Who am I? - Kendall Jenner

1.

"I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!" I screamed. My head was spinning and I felt the tears streaming down my face.

"Calm down Kendall.."

I shook my head and grabbed my purse. "No, don't ever tell me to calm down again. You'll never know how this feels. Walk a mile in my fucking shoes and then consider to tell me if I can calm down again." I stormed out the door and decided to not come back again. Ever.

- 6 months before -

"Have a safe flight honey." My mom said.

"Thanks mom." I said dryly and I hung up the phone. The plane was about to take off, so I pulled of my shoes and laid down. A photoshoot in London. I wasn't too excited about this, because London means Cara. Everything about London reminds me about her.

Cara and me haven't been in contact much. Like you know we had a relationship for a while, but we never took it to the next step. We never went fully public.
Why? With me not being out of the closet, or let me say: never saying that I'm bisexual, the media were speculating a lot. They saw me and Cara hanging out together almost everyday. The paparazzi's were harassing us with questions about our relationship. And to be honest, I didn't have the guts to tell to the world that I'm into girls too. Or maybe, just into girls.. I still don't really know.
Anyways, Cara couldn't handle it anymore, which I totally understand, so we broke it off.
It was a friendly break up, but a few months after she already got a new girlfriend. She calls herself "St. Vincent". Although I want Cara to be happy, it still hurts to see her with another girl.

It's been like 6 months since we broke it off, but thinking about it still made me sad.
I shook my head and decided to listen to some music and just sleep.

After a long flight, I finally arrived in London. I decided to text Jourdan, to meet up for some drinks. Haven't seen her in a while and it was time for some catching up.

I quickly texted her when I was in the hotel, took a quick shower and got ready. I put on my favorite vintage denim jeans, a plain white tee and soms boots.

1 hour later I met Jourdan at "Blue". Her face lit up when she saw me.

"Kenny!" She said. She stood up, walked towards me and gave me a big hug.

I embraced her and smiled. "I missed you Jourdie."

Jourdan pulled herself from the hug and put her hands on my face. "I missed you too Ken." She smilled. "You have a lot to tell me." She say, raising one eyebrow. I sighed and nodded. I knew right away what she was talking about.

"Come." Jourdan said in her lovely accent. She took my hand and lead me to her table. "I already ordered a Martini for us." We sat down and she handed me the drink.

"Thanks babe." I raised my glass and said: "To a beautiful evening."

"To a beautiful evening." Jourdan said. We both took a sip. "So, whaddup girl?"

I sighed and shook my head. Although I don't see Jour as often as I'd like to, she's always so trustworthy and sweet. I always told her everything.

"I don't know Jour. It's been hard.." I shrugged.

"With... Cara?" She said carefully. I nodded. "I really do not know what she sees in that new girl."

"Girl?" I said.

Jourdan smirked. "Woman." Cara's girlfriend was a bit older than us. "You know, it's been a few months now. You've had your first girl on girl relationship. Know it's time to figure yourself out. Your sexuality really seems to bother you."

I slowly nodded. "That's true." I took a big sip of my drink. "It's the media and the public you know."

"I get it. They're very judgemental. But in the end you have to make yourself happy.."

Many people said this to me many times. But it really was hard. Being in the constant eye of the public, the whole world following your every step, everyone having their opinion. Plus, I'm part of one of the controversial families of Hollywood, on of the most followed families and on of the most hated families.
All these things made it so hard for me.

"Just take your time Kendall. Get over her, have fun. But most importantly: breathe." I closed my eyes, inhaled and exhaled. When I opened my eyes, Jourdan smiled at me.

"Let's down this drink." I said, raising my glass. We both chugged our glasses back and ordered drink after drink. I had a photoshoot in two days, so I had enough time for some fun.

After an hour and a few drinks later Jourdan and me were a bit tipsy. Jourdan told me about some awkward encounters she had with boys.

"So then he just farted, in the middle of the restaurant. Well girl, I ran outta there!" I couldn't stop laughing at her stories.

"Shit." Jourdan whispered and she immediatly stopped laughing.

"What babe?" I said confused.

Jourdan kept her eyes on the door of the bar. I turned around to see what she was seeing.

Shit.

********

New story! I decided to not write on the previous story anymore since it's pretty outdated. So here's a new story about Kendall. Hope you guys are as excited about it as I am. ❤

Also let me know which way you'd like this story to go!