School was, as it always was to me, a long and insufferable pit of despicable children and menacing teachers. Beth seemed to be my only solace that day. I couldn't let her know about what had happened to me the other night. She'd judge me, harshly. Slam down her gavel and label me a coward.
She'd already arrived at the school hall for lunch before I could recollect myself. I looked glum; I hated that Beth always found me when I had an expression of misery.
"Hey." Beth spoke.
"Hey..." My "y" slurred making me sound unsure. Fuck, she'd pick up on that.
"Alright?" She asked me.
"Fine." I stated looking at her with a dry smile.
If there's one thing I had managed so far today it was being a completely insolent half-wit to the girl of my dreams.
We walked beside each other and sat down on the cold floor. The discomfort always seemed to make everyone complain, but no one ever protested. My head was wandering and sailing, drifting off someplace elsewhere. My line of vision fell into a void, and the indigo swirls of a nebula seemed to absorb my concentration. Lost, I felt gripped by a lack of conscience.
The loud burst of laughter around me stunned me and snatched my daydreams up like wicked, clawed hands.
My mind missed the thought of Beth and I wondered to myself if I'd gained a wrenching sense of guilt from distracting myself from Beth.
My thoughts were universal. They trailed off and concentrated on anything and everything. It made me wonder why my grey matter always went crawling back to Beth.
My eyes went to her. She was talking and smiling with Jess and Joe. Beth looked happy. I became aware of how irrelevant I probably was inside her pretty little head, a distant thought that floats in and out with static haze, like a dire analogue signal.
Beth always came though in pristine, digital clarity to me. Agonisingly, it hurt.
"Are we gonna head outside or shall we stay here?" Someone asked. I didn't know who. I didn't care who.
Some kind of decision was made so everyone traipsed to the outdoor classroom. The vibrant greens and pinks were almost headache inducing compared to the dull pea green and off-white of the hall. I disliked sitting on grass and around bird excrement and wet leaves. I disliked the lack of peace, the intruding colour and the brash sunlight.
I found a blissful self reflection in the main hall. A dreary pall of ugly colours and uninteresting assembly.