I sat in bed as I held a picture in my arms. The last day I saw Gerald. He died, two days ago, in a plane crash. He was my fiance, in fact, in two months we were going to get married and start a family.
Gerald and I took a picture before he left for his Endless Summer Tour. He had just done a show in Phoenix and he was going to San Diego the next day. San Diego must be so depressed, but I'm cutting myself. I can't stand missing Gerald for a day, but for the rest of my life? I can't do it, I can't live without him.
I miss him more than anything in the world. I love him, he loved me. He probably still does. It's not like he's far away, he is, but it's just really hard to believe he's ACTUALLY gone. That handsome, smoking, hiliarious, adorable, hot Gerald Gillum is dead.
It feels like he's just on a tour, but he's not he's dead. If someone you love is dead, it feels like they're just at the hospital or some place and it feels like they're still here and they'll be home any minute. So you just keep waiting and waiting to see them, you're so anxious to see them, it just drives you crazy. But after a while, you realize, they will never come home. They're not here, they're not at the hospital or at work or any place they are normally. They are dead.
I haven't been outside since he has died. I should probably go outside, maybe cheer myself up a bit. Nothing is going cheer me up though. If I could have him in my arms just one more time, maybe turn back time to where was still alive. G was almost to San Diego, when the pilot lost control and dropped out of the sky.
A person caught the whole thing on video, they showed it on the news. Once I found out, I thought it was fake, just a nightmare or bad dream. His manager in fact came to my door with a sad look on his face and told me again. I told him I found out his two hours ago. He apologized about a thousand times, but I never said it was. Cause for real, it's not really ok. I've been praying for days it was just a prank or the video was just fake or the rumor wasn't true. Everything is real though. Nobody can do anything about it.
Every second, I'm just waiting for him to come home with a big smile on his face, drop his bags and scoop me into his arms and we would cuddle. We would cuddle all night long. I wish it could happen right now. But it will never happen, I keep telling myself it's all just a bad dream. It's not, I just want to wake up.
I opened the one of the drawers on my dresser next to our- I mean my bed. I picked up the razor blade and started cutting myself. It hurt badly, but it won't be as much pain as I am in now. I don't care if I hurt myself, I want see him again and cuddle him.
All of this is just a bad dream! I have to wake up! I start cutting myself deeper and deeper. After about the fifth cut, blood dropped down as I felt my body go numb. I tried to look at my arm as my vision went blurry. I put my arm closer to my eyes and saw I had cut a vein in my arm. I fainted and fell of the blood, my arm bleeding.
I woke up in the hospital, the hell? How did I get in here?! I looked aroud then saw something attached to my arm. It looked like something was healing my vein or something. I looked over and saw a man, about my age. He was sleeping in a chair. Should I make a noise? You know, to wake up him? I groaned and the man woke up quickly then looked at me.
"Hey, you're awake!" I looked around," How did I get here?" "I'm one Gerald's friends. We never talked a whole lot. But I saved your life." "How did you know I had fainted?" "Well, I baked some cookies and brownies to bring to you after I found out about....you know. But when I knocked on your door and didn't answer or anything, I'd thought I would set the basket on your counter. When I set the basket down, I heard a thump upstairs, so I walked up and went to your room and saw you lying on the floor. So If thought I'd help you and bring you here."
I nodded," What's your name?" "Evan. Evan Matthews." "How old are you?" "27 years old." "Me too." I slightly smiled." It's nice to meet you." "You too."
A/N I'll obviously make a part 2