If We Never Loved

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Some nights are colder than others and lately the stars keeps me company when all is silent and dark. I listen into the distance, searching for some lullaby that might help to put me to bed without the cruel feeling of loneliness that engulfs me every single night after my body lays on the big mattress.

Some days, during the middle of a word, I would fall in love with the way he tuck my hair behind my ear and the way he carressed my cheeks gently while some other days, I would find comfort in his mere presence. We have never had much of what people call "small talks" and I preferred us that way.

I have this fear that makes itself known once in a blue moon, feeling that maybe I would not be able to make of this world one where peace would not need to be bargained through fear and where love would not be stereotyped or rejected. I fear that I might kill myself upon it for I may not be able in making it a better haven for old souls like his.

While I sit here in this cold room, I reminise about his eyes and not to forget, his famous glasses. I miss looking into them. I miss how he squints them when he tries to figure things out or how he blinks rapidly when he explains passionate plans as to soften my curious mind.

I miss his touch, it makes me feel safe, warm and comfortable. His touch made me feel calm, collected and I always found myself leaning into him more whenever he touched me for my body felt at home.

I miss his presence, it always made me feel alive. He always made me feel like I was worth something. Honestly, I do not feel I am worth anything but with him, things are different.

I miss him.

"Hey love, try to forget about your past for a second and listen to me, read my words and believe.

I am not going anywhere, I am not leaving. I will never give up. And I will be here every single time you will need me. You can doubt me, even try to push me away because you might feel that I would leave eventually and despise you but I won't leave, I am here to stay. And I do not care if there are a thousand reasons as to why I should not stay, I am still staying because you are the sole and more than good enough reason as to why I will always stay.

I am no expert at relationships. I don't always know how to handle going through all fights, and I cannot guarantee you that we won't be hurt and I am not perfect either. We are both still young. And we have much more to learn in life but I am willing to risk it, share it all, learn every possible thing that there is and to take chances just so that we can be together. I won't be giving up on you.

I love you."


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