To Be or Not to Be | hamilton

eighteen : thomas

"..."

"Thomas, do I need to record your interview and send it to the whole school? That was pretty embarrassing."

Thomas gasped. "I'm coming!"

"Thought so." And with that, Angelica hung up.

Thomas stood and stretched. "I have to leave."

Burr looked up. "C'mon, where are you going?"

"Angelica."

Madison looked stunned. "What?"

"Nothing sexual. I... John's there, I think. I have to apologise."

Burr looked forlorn, but he nodded in understanding. "Can we come with?"

Madison put his hand on Burr's shoulder. "This is best if he does it alone. We'll go make flower crowns and get drunk."

}{

Thomas had changed before coming, and he nervously adjusted his tie as he rang the doorbell.

Phillip Schuyler opened the door. "He- oh. Thomas. Hello. Nice to see you. Do you need anything?"

Thomas nodded. He wore his glasses, and he pushed them up nervously. "Yes..."

"What? Make it quick."

"I want t-to apologise."

"Oh!" Phillip opened the door wider with a smile. "Come on in, my boy!"

Thomas walked in the room, pocketing the flower in his pocket. He looked around the house- mansion- gaping at its beauty and size.

The whole place was designed to be minimalist and black-and-white, which only boosted its grandeur. The living room he had walked into had a large pure white sofa, sitting atop of a black furry carpet. A smooth black fireplace blazed in the corner. There was a black small dresser, on which sat the largest flat-screen TV Thomas had ever seen. The walls were a pristine white. The windows were blocked off, but as Phillip entered behind him he said, "Up," and the blinds raised, allowing sunlight to filter in. It hit the clear glass designs on the black coffee tables next to the couch, scattering little rainbows around the room. It was simple, but it was beautiful.

"The girls are upstairs," Phillip smiled, pulling Thomas out of his reverie. "First room on the right."

"First room on the right," Thomas nodded, still slightly in shock. He felt underdressed.

He also didn't feel worthy to be climbing those smooth white granite steps, his hand following the smooth black rails. His life was worth so much less than this house. He was a drug addict, a college failure. This place was for the rich dentist cocktail parties.

Still, he walked in to the first room on the right. And the sight shocked him.

The only resemblance the room had to the rest of the house was the white bunk beds, cream carpet, and black walls. Other than that, it was more like Thomas' room. Posters adorned the walls so much it was hard to see the black paint underneath. The overhead fan was on, but not the light- the whole room was tinted with a purple glow Thomas pinned to the lava lamps sitting on the white vanity, also with makeup. Lots of makeup. The beds were a mess, all undone. There were no lights or windows you could use voice-control on- Eliza did it manually as she entered the room with her sisters. Their clothes, as always, were bright colours. It seemed so out of place, and Thomas loved it. It was a more upscale, feminine, neater version of his own room and dorm.

"Hello, Mr. Jefferson," Eliza said as she shut the door as Peggy walked in, John slinking behind her. She regarded him coldly and with distaste- and Thomas didn't blame her.

"Hey, Eliza."

Angelica looked at him. "Any words? Daddy has a business meet soon, so we really need to get all of our anger out now." Thomas laughed to himself at that- he knew the house was used for rich cocktail parties.

"I... can I speak to John, please?"

"Sure!" Peggy smiled, linking her arm through John's. "With us!"

"I was hoping to do it alone..."

"Why?" Peggy immediately got suspicious. "So you can hurt him?"

"No! Nothing of the sort!" Thomas' eyes went wide with panic. "But I want a little privacy."

"Hmph. You weren't worried about privacy when you were on the news this morning." Peggy looked at her sisters, then at John. "But fine. I'll go with you and John. Just in case."

Eliza whispered something to her sister, and Angelica laughed. Thomas blushed, under the assumption he was their topic of conversation. "O-okay."

"We'll go help Daddy set up. Call us back when you're done." Eliza shot one last dirty look at Thomas as she left, Angelica doing the same as she followed.

"You'll be noticed now," Thomas swore he heard John whisper to Peggy. He then turned and gave his full attention to Thomas, and Thomas was startled. The boy was thin, but it was even worse when he looked at him dead-on. It physically pained him to look at, and Thomas had always been on the lanky side. John... he was a whole other level of thin. It hurt. He looked like a war survivor. And his eyes... they were sunken in, but that wasn't what alarmed Thomas. What alarmed him was how dead and hollow they looked, devoid of emotion. "Do you need to talk to me?" His voice was just as broken and dead as his eyes, hiding an indescribable pain. Thomas' heart broke.

"Yes... I'm sorry. I want to apologise."

"I don't want to hear any fake bull. Not anymore."

"Please, John-"

"No. Get out."

"John, he could be telling the truth-"

"Doubtful."

Thomas winced. "I know... John, please, listen to me. I know I fucked up. I know. I've done some bad, irreversible things. But I want to put them past us. I... John... when you tried to kill yourself, a piece of me died with you. A piece of my self-value. I... John... God, I never really thought about what consequences my actions had until then. When you a-almost died, I was ready... to die myself. I... I blamed myself. I'm sorry. I'm more conscious of myself now, and that's all thanks to you. John, you were my wake-up call. Thank you. And I am so sorry I ever put you in a position to kill yourself."

John paused. "How do I know you're being sincere?"

Thomas put his hand over his heart. "I do solemnly swear I am being sincere."

"On the River Styx."

"What's that?"

John rolled his eyes. "Idiot," Thomas looked at him. One would never guess his dark past and present. He seemed. easy and care-going... who else was hiding secrets? "Just make the swear."

"Oooookay? I swear on the River Styx I am being sincere."

John smiled. "I believe you."

"Oh, group hug! I love being all okay now." Peggy made a group hug form, and she kissed Thomas' cheek as she did so, winking at him.

He went home smiling the whole way.

{im so tired excuse errors lmao and i dont even ship peggy and thomas but my story is making other things happen ugh}