If We Never Hoped

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In this fine evening where the sky is filled with stars and clouds and the weather is windy, you can find me sitting on my balcony just taking in some air for this nostalgic heart of mine.

Lately, I have been dreaming, like a broken record, about him; the first time we talked, the first time we fought, the times he pissed me off as well as the times I proved his doubts wrong. He was miles away from me yet my heart was with him.

Sometimes at night, I close my eyes and I can feel his heart beat; this brings me serenity and I drift off to sleep sooner then.

I would usually ask myself whether I was forcing myself to stay at home and not go out because I would rather miss him than be occupied. He did not want that, he wished of me to go out and enjoy this vacation of mine but I am unable to do so. Lately, it has been hard for me to cope with life. As amusing as I think it is, I can barely feel myself at peace these past few days. But I know me, I will go through this.

No matter how hard it feels, no matter how much deep you are in this damn tunnel, there will always be light waiting for you at the end of this pathway. Understand that no good thing ever came with guidelines or an easy option. When you fall, you fall and you hit the ground, that is how it works. But you get back up. Take one day or more, but understand time is precious and once you got that in your mind, you will get up.

I have not found the light yet and neither have I stood up, but I am on my way there.

Thing is, I cannot overlook the fact that I am only doing this because I still have reasons to not give up. If I give up, I will disappoint not just me but a lot of other people that cares for me, including him.

If I gave up, I would not be able to live with myself.

He is my hope.

He is my hope

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