Chapter thirteen

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Okay, okay I know I've been a way a very long time and I apologise! I can't promise you when I will post the next chapter after this but I'll try too asap. With trying to work two jobs, fit in my soical life as well as practise tattooing and plan my travelling I've been super busy and super tired! But enough of the excuses and I hope you enjoy this chapter (I'm not a 100% sure on it yet, so I may change it later or some point in the future.) 

My head it was pounding, dull, achy, cold. That was all I could feel I just needed sleep but someone pestering me was stopping me from living that dream out, I try and squat whoever it was away.

“Love you need to wake up, you can’t sleep here.” I come to my senses, the ground was moist and cold and as I sit up and let my eyes adjust I take in an old withered man, a spade in hand and a winter coat around his body. Slowly he passes me a blanket and only then do I realise how cold it was, fog surrounded the graves making it look eerie it was as if I had stepped into a gothic novel.

Putting my hand on my head as it swirls I take the blanket from the old man and allow the warmth to wrap around me. What had happened? Why was I lying in a cemetery?

“I’m sorry love you can’t stay here a funeral is to arrive any minute now.” He looks guilty and then it hits me he must think I’m homeless, stumbling to my feet I take in the grave and the bottle. I was at Dan’s grave, slowly it all started to come back it was as if I was being hit by a bus. I swallow the lump in my throat and smile politely at the man as I start to make my way to the exit. As I reach it I don’t know what to do with myself, home was maybe an option but that didn’t feel right anymore. I begin to realise I don’t belong anywhere anymore, I was as if a empty soul floating in this town full of people, always surrounded  but never feeling so lonely.

Looking down at the state of my clothes it was no wonder the old man had thought I was homeless. Deciding it was best to go shower before I decided what I was going to do I head home, walking to clear my head and try to think of anything at all. The walk was surreal, I was too busy in my own little world to even bother see everyone else go on with their everyday life’s, rushing to catch the tube, hauling down taxi’s, grabbing a bite to eat before they hit the office and then it hit me, New York was a place of business, for suits and high heels of course the city was more then that, but to me it seemed a place of work.

Heading into my apartment I knew what I was going to do, was it a big leap? Hell yeah. Was I sure? No, definitely not but what was left for me to lose? Closing the door behind me I lean my head against the wooden frame and breathe in a big breath.

“Jane?” I turn around and come face to face with a distraught looking Kirk, his eyes were rimmed red as if he had been crying and the bags under his eyes tell a completely different story, he jumps forward and embeds me in a hug, feeling me everywhere as if I wasn’t real and as I get over the shock of seeing Kirk like this I see a whole group of men huddled close together. Two police men were inhaling a sign of what seemed relief and off to the side at the back was Jack who looked just as worn down as Kirk, our eyes meet briefly  and I can feel my heart pang it was the same look Daniel used to give me but that couldn’t be right. I turn away before I loose it and break down.

Pulling away from me Kirk looks me in the eyes a sincere look that turns to one of anger. “Where the hell have you been? We’ve been worried sick!” I take in the we as him and Jack, and then I grasp what he was saying. The police surely wasn’t here because I didn’t come home?

“I – I – I.” I shut my mouth I had no words I had been irresponsible and how could I tell them I had been lying on the love of my life’s grave? Yeah, that wouldn’t blow over so well or the fact I drunk myself into oblivion, Kirk would be sending me to a shrink or even worse rehab.

“Well I’m waiting, why didn’t you answer your phone? I’ve been so worried J!” He pulls me back in and starts to cry, I pat his back tears welling up in my own eyes as guilt settles into me.

“I just needed time to myself. Time to think.” It wasn’t a lie but it was only half of the truth.

“In a pile of mud?” He picks at my clothes and I swat him away as I turn to the disconcerted police officers.

“I’m sorry to have wasted your time.” They both nod and head for the door.

“Miss? In the future please could you inform someone your whereabouts?” I nod and they close the door.

“I’m going for a shower.” I look at Jack who hasn’t said a word since I walked in but his eyes are far away in a place I couldn’t see, he was gnawing at his nails a perfect picture of someone in thought.

“Oh hell nawh! Honey I don’t think so, sit that plumped ass down on this couch right now! No one makes Kirk this emotional and gets away with it.” I smile for the first time in what seems like forever and kiss Kirks cheek.

“Your always this emotional Kirk.” His upper lip stiffens and he removes his crossed arms as his angry status fades.

“You scared me so much J.”

“I know and I’m sorry.” He nods and I begin to leave the room into my own bedroom, the sound of shuffling outside and then a small soft knock.

“Yeah?” The door pushes open and Jack comes in.

“Do you mind if I? …..” His words trail off and I nod. We stand in silence for what seems like forever looking into each other’s eyes, so much emotion between us but so little communication.

“I’m sorry Jane. I really am, I don’t know what I’ve been doing.” He looks away first, his hand stressfully brushing his hair back, a single tear sliding down his cheek. I nod as my own tears well up, all emotion coming back from yesterday.

“Jane thing is ….. I can’t stop thinking about you and you going missing last night – I” His voice begins to crack making me cry harder. “I thought the worst and I, I’ve never felt anything like that before in my whole entire life and God … urgh I’m so trapped, you have no idea Jane …..” He breaks down into tears, more of what looked like frustration. Walking over to him I hug him and he embraces me tightly, the warmth of his body, the smell of him, the way his body fit mine and how everything felt right in his arms I knew what it was before he even said the words. “I love you Jane.” 

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