[ ineffable ] • poems. blurbs. excerpts.

when i think about the future // poem

I am thinking
Bad thoughts
Good for you
Painful for me

I can see you
Coming home
From college
For a holiday

You come with
Company, have
Her meet your
Family, like I
Had done once

She looks pretty
And I see you're
Happy with her
So I try to be as

Happy for you
As I can be, but
Deep down, I'm
In so much pain

I am thinking
Bad thoughts
Good for you
Painful for me

I can see you
At a party in
The town you
Live, where

Air is warm
And girls are
Hotter. You're
There, without

Me, living in a
Life I couldn't
Return to. It
Makes me a

Little sad, to
See you live
Happily with-
Out me. To
Not need me.

I am thinking
Bad thoughts
Good for you
Painful for me

I want you to be
Happy, even if
That happiness
Excludes me