This story is depressing, and If you don't want to hear about self-harming, and depressing stuff, then do not continue to this story.
I woke up on the couch in Ruki's apartment. Of course I did. This wasn't a first time thing at all. I wake up on his couch every morning. I grab my phone from off the floor, and check the time. It was 9:00 a.m. Ruki was already at work. I grabbed my shirt from the floor, and put it on. I also grabbed my shorts, and put those on too. I slid on my boots, and left Ruki's house.
Walking the warm streets in the morning used to be fun, but not no more. Me, and Ruki are friends with benefits. It started off all fun, and games, until every morning I wake up on his couch, alone, having to walk myself to my house. He calls me every night, telling me to come over, and of course, I go to his house, and give him what he wants.
Ruki actually has a good job. He is actually doing something with his life. He is a game developer, and he makes damn good money. I mean, he has something going for him, but what do I have going for me? Nothing. I'm just Ruki's personal sex buddy.
I walk in my house, and slip my shoes off. I go over to my counter, and take my pills today, which consists of pills that help for depression, Insomnia, and Pain killers. I grab a water bottle out of my fridge, and I was bout to take my pills, until I dropped my pills on the floor, and walked out my kitchen. I do this often. I've done it for the past 2 weeks. I leave my pills on the floors, so there is just a pile of pills.
I walk into my room, and grab a joint. I grab my lighter, and light it. It helps keep the pain away, and gives me something to do for awhile. I took a puff, and inhaled the drug into my lungs, and exhaled. I continued this, until I had no more. I grabbed the bag with marijuana in it, and roll another joint for tomorrow.
I get up from my bed, and walk in the living room. I can feel it kicking in. Usually when people smoke marijuana, they feel calm, and wanna giggle, but not me. I have been doing this for years now, that it doesn't effect me.
I don't know how long I was starring at the ceiling contemplating my life, but It must have been hours because I got a text from Ruki.
"Hey, come over. I will pay more then last time." -Ruki
"Not today, I'm not feeling to well." I responded back. I guess today will be the day.
"Are you okay?" -Ruki
I put my phone down, and hear it go off again, but I didn't bother to check, he probably is just begging me to come over, and have sex with him, but I don't want to. I'm hurt. Physically, and emotionally. I wen over to take my pills that I usually take for the night, but It didn't happen. I dropped them on the floor in the kitchen, and now they are added to the big pile of pills on the floor.
I walk over to my dresser, and grabbed my blade from inside a book. I started cutting my wrists again. I would cut in one direction for a bit, but then I would cut in the other direction over it making it bleed more. I ran out of spots to cut, so to my thighs, and I started cutting them up. Blood all over. My hands, arms, legs, bed sheets, and on the blade. I put the blade back into the book, and now my book has blood on it.
I grabbed some shorts, a sports bra, and some underwear. I walked into my bathroom, and turned on the shower. I made sure it was hot, and I got in. The hot water would sting my cuts, and it would hurt. But I deserve this. I washed my body with soap, and again, the soap stung the cuts. I turned the shower off, and tried my body off.
I look down, and there is a trail of blood following me from my room to my bathroom. I sighed, and put on my clothes. Clearly showing my old scars, and the new ones I made. I didn't bother cleaning up the blood that followed. I went into my room, and smoked the joint that I was saving for tomorrow.
I was just watching my life go to waste, and I didn't care. Not at all. I was watching the wall, since I had no TV, but then I heard my door unlock, and opened. It might be the cops, but I didn't care. They would take me to jail, and I wouldn't care at all. I took another puff, and I look at my bedroom doorway, and I see Ruki crying. Why is he crying?
"Why?" He dropped to his knees, and started crying. "Why didn't you tell me. I saw everything. I saw the pills on the floor, I saw the bloody trail that led to here, I smelt the drugs, and now I see scars on your body. Your bed set covered in blood. Why?"
"Now you see Ruki. This is how I have been living. Now, leave me be. Go live your life." He went towards me, and started kissing all my scars.
"No. I'm not leaving you this time." He continued to kiss my scars, and then he kissed my lips.
"I'm not letting you go this time."
A/N: I feel like absolute shit. This is why I wrote this. I usually don't write stuff like this, but I did. My anxiety triggered today, and I just felt awful, but I hope the rest of you are having a good day, and don't let this one-shot get you down, that's why I wrote a kind of, sort of happy ending, so I can add some happiness into this book. This was also short. I promise more happiness for everyone !
~Till we meet again~
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J-Rock X Reader: Book of One-Shots ( Requests on hold )Fanfiction
~This is a bunch of (Reader x J-rock members) one-shots! ^_^ This is my first( Reader x J-rock member) book. Also, my first Book of one-shots. Hope you guys enjoy it, as much as I do writing it !! ^_^ * I do not own any pictures used, nor the bands*...