It's over

210 10 3

(A/N this chapter may be triggering and im so sorry!)

I didn't want to walk in and not find out what was going on. but I couldn't help my self I knew it was wrong. I stayed and listened.
"She needs to know Luke" sam pushed on.
"I know I know I messed up. we messed up." He stated. I could hear the stress in his voice.
What does he mean "we messed up"? I thought.
"C'mon Luke. we have to and you know it. she's bound to find out sometime." Sam whined.
"I know! I just can't bring my self to even talk to her. I know what we did was wrong. I know I need to tell her. I messed up big time. and I wish I could take that night back."
"All of it?" Sam asked with what I think was a hint of pain.
A moment of hesitation passed before Luke responded, "all of it"
"B- but y- you said it was the best time of your life. Better than anything you had done or or experienced before?" Sam whined with what I could now realize was more pain.
That night? Experience? What is going on?
Then it all clicked. how Calum and Michael told me how he left with sam. how Luke was avoiding me for two days. and how so was sam.
I covered my mouth. it wasn't until hat moment I realized I was crying. I quietly backed away. and ran to our table. I grabbed my jacket and ran out the door. Ignoring the voices yelling after me.
I knew everything was too good to last. I knew Luke didn't actually care. no one did. I ran as fast as I could. I finally stopped running when I got to a bust stop. right on time the bus showed. luckily I had enough money in my pocket for a ride. I quickly jumped in. there was no one on the bus. literally. just the driver. I gave her my address and she took me there.

I arrived home in a matter of minutes. I knew aunt sally wouldn't be home tonight. I ran up to my room and ran into my bathroom and looked under the rug. there they were. the only things that understood me. I sat down on the cold floor. my legs ached due to the physical activity I had done to get away. as I sat there on the floor rocking back and forth on the cold white tiles I thought about my life. the ups and downs. when I was 12 and abused. When I ran away. when I met aunt sally, the boys, sam. when I was in the hospital. meeting my parents all over again. meeting Alex and him taking care of me. and of course the recent events. and in all honesty I hate everything about my life. I have no point in living. I'm worthless. I'm alone. I'm done for.
I held the blade up towards my ceiling. only them I realized how much I was shaking. the blade glistened in the lights. I was breathing in Heavy short breaths. I gripped the blade tightly in my hand. I could feel it cutting the palm of my hand. I dropped the blade with a clash on the floor. I picked it up again. I barred my teeth so hard feeling they could break at any given minute. I held the blade against my skin. I felt like a fool. a stupid stupid little fool. I began to cut. In a way I felt pity on myself. I felt the world around me go mute. only faint sounds of buzzing. and a throbbing head. I suddenly began to laugh. unknown to why I would do such a thing. possibly it was my fucked up ways of coping.

I had finished cutting and I knew they were deep. I sat there with my head leaned up against the closed toilet seat. I could feel myself fade in and out of consciousness. I thought I heard voices. I laughed knowing I was going insane. and I didn't care. but as I sat there feeling my life fading. the loud obnoxious world seem to stop or at least slow down enough to seem as to stop. but as I still sat there entirely still, I could feel the dark taking over. and as everything began to get blurry and my vision fuzzy I heard my name. a boy rushed to my side with dark brown hair and eyes. that much I could make out. he grabbed my wrist.
"Ali. Alison. c'mon baby I need you to stay with me." I could see him look down "oh god. Alison." I could here the scare and worry in his voice and I knew he had my blood on his hands. I could hear him yell.
"Alison! Alison baby! c'mon wake up! wake up! c'mon"
I managed enough strength to move my head to look at the boy.
"Forget about me" I whispered. I knew that was all the strength I had left to keep myself awake. or alive. I knew I was going to die I could feel it in my bones.
"Goodbye calum" I mumbled.
And in all honesty.good bye never sounded so Devine.

"Never" he responded.

It was all over and I was comforted by blackness.

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