We left for the outdoor classroom and sat beneath the same tree as we always do. The few conversations that once were had become a general consensus that we should play our favourite game- "paranoia". Charlie pulled a 10 pence piece out of his top pocket, meanwhile Tash nominated herself to be the coin tosser.
"Joe you start."
Jessie shrieked in horror as Joe whispered into her ear. Her face fell into her hands and Joe laughed behind her.
"... Colette." Jessie spoke anxiously as the coin rose into the air.
"Tails!" Tash called. Another secret kept away.
Jessie then leant over to me and asked her a question in a quiet voice.
"Oh my Fucking God. Charlie." I stated and laughed. The coin flew into the air and landed on heads. Fuck. Jessie told everyone how I'd said I'd probably most likely have a kink with Charlie. I felt my cheeks burn and everyone else laughed.
"Whatever!" Moving on, I carried the game to Charlie's ear where I whispered to him,
"Who in the squad would you kiss in secret?" I giggled. He looked into my eyes. Not just at the blue of my irises but through them, into my head where I was begging him to say my name.
"Beth." He said, still gazing at me. I quivered, laughed and fell into his lap.
"Heads." Tash called.
"Oh FUCK!" I howled.
Charlie intervened. "She asked me who in the group I'd penetrate with a tree!" He laughed, leaning back onto the ground. I lay back beside him in fits, still blushing at his answer.
For the longest time we were fixed. Eye to eye, lay down on the grass. Time stopped, and my hand found its way to sit in Charlie's palm like a hand in a glove. The space between us felt like miles. Pain rang out in my chest as I sat back up and let go of his clutching index finger. The call of come back seemed to vanish as the moment dwindled away like dust into the air. Play button pressed, time went on.
I didn't seem to understand what inside my spinning head said "get out of there Beth!". Maybe it was instinct. Distrust? Fear? Nothing in me seemed to say the answer. But the longing in Charlie's eyes that focused on the grass beside his left shoe said everything to me.
"Rewind, please?.." I muttered, silent.