Just Tell Me

There was never an us

You were that shy, timid, writer girl who often sat by alone in that little corner of your room imagining why of all people, it was he you fell in love with. If you could only tell him how you feel like how'd you write in all your work of poetries, but it wasn't that easy. Jotting down things on paper through pen was the only choice you had. You can't explain what you feel and eventually blame your hormones for even feeling that way...

It was that summer when you finally realized that having time out with your few but trustworthy best group of friends will draw your attention away from him. You decided you'd go to this beach where everyone used to go for short holidays. You thought it was cool to have some girl time and pig out.

It was exciting although completely exhausting on the first day. You did all kinds of activities from bungee jumping, paragliding, jet-skiing and a lot more. Albeit you did so much on your first day, there was more to come in the next few days. After all, it was just the first day of your week -long vacation.

Waking up to a bright sunny day lifted your mood and brought you all these exciting ideas on how to make your day much more fun. You woke your friends up from their deep sleeps, wore your pink flip-flops, put on your sun-hat, slid in a cute, light summer dress and shined your lips with tinted lip gloss as you went on your way to the mess hall.

A lot of the utensils were clattering making their own noises joined by different voices of people that you could only recognize as mumbles. Though not completely bothered, you wished the place was as quiet as the four-walls of your room. You hoped the surroundings were as peaceful as how you would describe your personal space.

What bothered you though, was when you quickly took a break with your light breakfast, chit-chatting with your beauties when you accidentally turned your head.

It was the most wonderful time of your life – and probably the worst. For the first time, you saw him, alone. He looked dapper as usual, but you dare say it wasn't that moment you wanted to see him. You thought it wasn't great of a deal to lay your eyes on him in an unusual place when you were trying as best as you can to avoid him.

For the first few seconds, you tried your best to avert your gaze from him, but you forgot that his attraction is like gravity making you subject to his divine magnetism. So for goodness sake, you stood up from the table, left your friends unaware and confused at the same time. You gathered all the courage you had to finally walk up to him til you're inches apart from him. You called him by his name at just the same time bringing his attention towards you. Your expression of seeing him further exposes all your love for him. It is as though his face is as bright as the brightest of all sunlight. To you, his eyes are glimmering as he looks at you, neither smiling or smirking. In his face you could not see a hint of emotion nor a feeling. All you see was blank.

Your hands and feet are shaking with that feeling of fear of rejection and joy of landing your eyes on him. Your lips tremble with all the built in tension of the atmosphere when you finally invited him to your table. You don't know how in the world did a timid girl like you walk up to the guy you just fell for.

Your face blushes in embarrassment as you patiently wait for his reply. "Oh, uhmmm, hi, yeah, sure." You breathe a sigh of relief as you see him smile and follow you through. But deep inside, just by reading his face, you knew that his answer was half-heartedly given. You knew that there was something going on on his head, something bothering him that you wish you could help him get rid of. For now, this is all you could ever do.  

Of all the years that you got to spend together at school, you were able to observe his minimal movements and often made judgments out of it. And now that you're across him in a rectangular shaped table watching him being entertained by your friends, your curiosity about him starts to grow intensely that you begin to ask him questions like "how many are you in the family?", "What are your hobbies" following up question after question.