Prologue

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"Some do drugs, others go for a run , but at the end we're all searching for that tiny space, perhaps a hole, that gives us shelter from the terrible reality of the world." -Unknown

Prologue

Red, orange, and blue neon lights flash before my eyes and the scream of the siren still rings in my ears. Everything around me looks like a watercolor painting. The three police cars, the ambulance, and several people standing outside from a distance to catch a glimpse of the scene all have this dream like quality to them.

I struggle to control myself. The tears cascading down my face. I can't stop crying. Every now and then a wretched sob will escape my throat and I won't be able to control it. Nothing inside of me can be controlled.

No! This isn't real... is it?

Yes.

No.

Shit, of course it is.

As I stand here, watching the ambulance's lights blinking back and forth back and forth, I feel strangely human. I am no longer invincible. No longer untouchable. I wish I was dead. I don't want to feel human. Because feeling human sucks.

I see the paramedics come out of the main entrance to the Econo lodge.

The world around me begins to spin and before I know it I'm crouched low to the ground. I feel my stomach seize and just a few seconds later, my vomit is all over the parking lot ground.

I feel someone gently help me up and pull me towards them. I then press myself into the warmth of their body, burying my face in their chest, so as not to see the horrific scene playing out before me.

It seems like hours have passed before I dare to open my eyes again. The ambulance is pulling out of the parking lot.

A policeman is walking towards me.

When he gets close enough he says "what is your name, miss?" in an assertive tone.

For a few seconds I can't answer his question. What is my name? I don't remember. Honestly it doesn't even matter.

When I don't answer, the policeman sighs. "I'm afraid you're going to have to come with us to the station," he says.

"Go on," the comforting voice next to me says.

I slowly release myself from the woman's protective grip and follow the policeman to his squad car. As I approach it I notice a little girl and what appears to be her father watching from their own car a few feet away. The little girl stares at me, a frightened look in her eyes. Then her father quickly leads her away. I watch her walk away for a second, holding her father's hand.

You don't ever want to end up like me, I think.

I then open the door of the squad car and slip in.

"Here, have a Kleenex," the policeman says as he climbs into the front seat of the car. "My name is Officer McBride by the way. Just let me know if you want me to call anyone for you. Do you want to call your parents?" He asks.

I shake my head. "No I'll just call my mom when we get to the station," I reply, realizing it's the first time I have said anything in what has felt like the past hour.

"Ok" Officer McBride says. He then starts to back out of the parking lot.

While we drive to the station, I lay down in the backseat, suddenly overcome with exhaustion. Yet, immediately when I close my eyes I see a familiar face. He is smiling with that sexy smirk that he always seems to have. He then laughs and I can almost hear him say "This is perfect, you're perfect" I can feel him in my arms, inhaling his sweet scent, kissing his lips, running my fingers up and down his chest. All I need right now is him. Where did he go?

Before I know it, I feel someone tapping me. I slowly open my eyes and look up at Officer McBride. We are at the police station. He helps me out of the car and we walk to the entrance. Once we're inside, he tells me to wait on a bench near the entrance while he goes to talk to another officer. I reluctantly agree and sit down on the bench, wanting only to fall back asleep.

I wait on that bench for a few minutes. Then a few minutes turn into an hour. What the hell is going on?

All of a sudden, the doors to the station burst open and a frantic, disheveled looking woman rushes in. That frantic woman is my mother. When she sees me sitting on the bench she immediately rushes over to me, gives me a hug, and bursts into tears.

I hate it when my mom cries. It only reminds me of the divorce.

"I'm so glad you're alright! I thought you were hurt or worse" she says, starting to make weird sobbing noises.

"Mom, I'm fine," I say, trying to stay calm for her.

She pulls back from hugging me and her facial expression hardens.

"Nora Rose O'Donnell, what the hell were you thinking?" she demands through gritted teeth.

I put my head in my hands. I hate it when she calls me by my full name.

"I--I don't know" I say quietly.

Before my mother can respond to my lame answer, another police officer comes out of his office and walks over to us.

"Miss, what is your name?" he asks.

"Her name's Nora O'Donnell and I'm her mother Tricia," my mom replies, standing up to shake hands with the officer.

"Hello Ms. O'Donnell, I'm chief police officer Trent Williams," he says, "We are going to have to take your daughter into our office for questioning if that is alright with you."

As if I have a choice... I think to myself miserably.

"I still am in the dark about this whole situation" my mother says worriedly.

The chief police officer clears his throat. "Ms. O'Donnell, we are under the suspicion that your daughter has been in possession of illegal drugs," he says matter of factly.

My mother's face suddenly turns pale. She then looks over at me with an unreadable expression on her face.

I stand up from the bench and follow Officer Trent into his office, not wanting to look at my mom's disappointed face any more.

Officer Trent shuts the door and tells me to sit at the table in the center. The room looks exactly like the kind of rooms that criminals get questioned in that I've seen on TV. I hesitantly sit down in the chair and he pulls his chair from his desk to sit across from me. He has a folder with lots of papers in it and a ballpoint pen.

Damn. He's going to copy everything that I say. If I even choose to say anything at all.

"Ok, Miss O'Donnell," he starts, taking a deep breath, "let me ask you what you were doing at the Econo lodge on Atlantic Avenue near Daytona Beach?"

I pause, unsure of how to answer his question. I can't answer it. I can't betray Daniel. Where is Daniel anyway? Is he being questioned somewhere else too? My brain continues to play tricks on me; sugarcoating the truth about his whereabouts.

Officer Williams taps his pencil looking slightly irritated. "Can you answer my question, Miss O'Donnell?"

I shake my head, staring down at the tiled floor.

"Ok well can you answer this?" he says, "was the cocaine yours?"

I look him in the eyes and then quickly look away.

I bite my lip and shake my head.

"No" I finally manage to say.

"Then where did the drugs come from? Were they from your friend that was with you?"

I flinch, thinking about Daniel again. I want him to explain this, not me.

Officer Williams continues to look at me expectantly.

I don't know how to answer anything that he asks me.

Where do I even begin?

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