KILLING ME SOFTLY - Teenage Assassin - Chapter 5

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I know that Anna has secrets, but I can't blame her for not being forthcoming with information just yet, since we just met. Perhaps there is something from her past that haunts her, whatever it is, I can see it in her eyes. But, these feelings are new to me and maybe even new to her also, so I trust that she'll tell me when she's ready. Right now, I have a more pressing matter to deal with. Smoothing things over with Max. He is not going to be happy that I stole Anna from him. But, did I really steal her? Did he really have her first? He may have spotted her at the club first, but I talked to her first. I also kissed her first, yesterday at the beach.

So, Anna and I end up making out on the side of a building all of sixth period and decide to go to seventh period. I can't believe she had a blade strapped to her thigh. You would think that it would freak me out, but it didn't. It actually made me even hotter for her. The thought crossed my mind to just take her against the building. But, I figure, if I want more with her than I usually want with other girls, then I should probably treat her with a little more consideration than that. Seriously though, why would she be carrying a knife? Does she need to protect herself on a regular basis? What in her past involves the need for it?

When we are walking to class, she asks, "So, in the note, what did you mean by the word 'secret'?"

"What did you think I meant?" I ask her.

"I asked you first," she says, with a pointed look.

"Well," I tell her nervously, "I didn't really mean anything in particular. I just get the feeling that you hide things from people. Maybe to protect yourself from getting hurt. I want you to know that I'll be here to listen when you're ready to talk."


I don't think so. I knew being around him would be a problem. How is he able to read me that easily? I mean, he isn't right, not exactly. I do hide things from people, all sorts of things. Who I am. What I am. He's also right about me doing it to protect myself from getting hurt. But, instead of protecting my emotions from getting hurt, like he thinks, I am protecting my life.

He sees through me better than anyone else, including Jackson. I have been trained to hide my emotions and project only those feelings and thoughts that I choose too. I should have more control over it. Either he is really good at reading people, or when I'm around him, I let down my guard. Perhaps I am not doing as good of a job as I thought. He's seeing things that I don't want him to see. I have always been able to control my facial expressions, body language and my eyes, so that people perceive what I want them too. That's all going to hell around Gabriel.

About him being there when I am ready to talk? Not gonna happen. What am I going to tell him? That I'm an assassin hired to kill his father and that the only reason he ever met me in the first place is so that I can use him to get to make the kill?

Am I insane? What am I doing, falling for a guy who would hate me if he knew the truth? Maybe I should ask Jackson to take over this job for me. But, then I'd never see Gabriel again. I couldn't stand the thought of that. Since the moment I first looked at Gabriel's picture, I felt something towards him. At first it was just curiosity, but now it's turned into something more. When I met him at the club, there was an instant attraction, but I brushed it aside. Since then, the more time I spend with him, the deeper my feelings go. It feels like we are being drawn together by forces of nature. If that's the case, when this is over, will I be comparing the ending to a natural disaster? Because, I can't see how this relationship can having a happy ending.

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