New story.
***
"Turn your body towards left. OK now keep your body still."
"Point your nose towards this." The photographer moves his finger up, then left until my head is pointing the right way.
'OK, now keep your head still," the photographer commanded.
'OK, hold it and smile!" Then he clicked his camera. "Perfect! You're really gorgeous, Cash! Look at these shots, you're so natural."
I look at my pictures like it is the most natural thing on earth. I've been the face of most famous magazines in Thailand for the past years. Maganda naman ang trabaho ko bilang isang fashion model dito. Sa katunayan ay nabigyan na rin ako ng break as commercial model. But this isn't my passion, nakapagtapos naman ako ng journalism sa University of the Philippines but fate led me to fashion industry. But I've been planning to go back to the Philippines maybe for good and pursue what I really want, Journalism.
"Thank you, Randy, these wouldn't be complete without you," I said, thanking my photographer and my most trusted friend here in Thailand.
"Last speech na ba 'yan ni Cash Miranda bago siya bumalik ng Pilipinas?" tanong sa akin ni Randy.
I smiled, Cash Miranda, that isn't my real name, but a part of it. I was born Cassandra Misandré Antolin and then later became Cassandra Misandré Antolin- Figueroa or Mrs. Connor Ashley Figueroa.
How long has it been since I last used that surname? 4 years? Ha! I will never, ever use it again, at least not in a way where people would know. The legal documents would prove that I am married, hindi naman na 'yon kailangang malaman ng buong mundo dahil hindi naman showbiz ang pinasukan ko. It isn't a secret too, sadyang ayaw ko lang pag-usapan.
I'm not really exactly proud to be the wife of a mogul. Connor Ashely Figueroa is a grandee when it comes to media and business industry. He is powerful and cruel. If he wants something, he will not stop to get it, which means only one thing, he doesn't want me, he never did. He has his reason why he married someone like me. And after 4 years the pain is still there, I still can't take his reasons.
Maya-maya pa'y pumasok si Coby sa studio, ang manager ko. He's bringing a pizza for me. He knows I'm married but he doesn't seem to mind. One time he asked me if I still have feelings for my husband and I replied, "I don't have feelings for him anymore," and that answer seems enough for him.
Naka-file na sa court of appeals ang annulment namin ni Connor pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi parin mabigyan ng hatol. It's really crazy! Almost all the time I'm asking my uncle who's a judge, why that is so, thinking he can pull some strings but he just said, "Hija, maybe it's still not the right time."
Medyo nahiya na rin akong mag-tanong kay tito dahil labag sa batas ang mang-fast-track at alam kong napaka-tapat nito sa serbisyo.
And where is Connor all this time? Parang wala lang sa kanya kung hindi mapasawalang bisa ang kasal namin. He's not even attending the hearing personally, laging ang abogado lang niya ang nakikita ko sa tuwing may hearing kami.
One time I called him up to check what is his plan. The convo went like this.
"Who's this?" the man asked. It's as if he's really busy and has no time to chat with me.
"It's Cassie," I said since that's the only nickname he knew.
"What's this all about?" he asked, he wasn't even shocked that I called him for the first time after 4 years.
"I want an annulment."
"Ow, so you're that Cassie."
So noon lang niya ako nabosesan. For sure hindi na rin niya ako mamumukhaan sa oras na magkita kami. I had an accident and needed to undergo major reconstructive surgery, hindi man lang 'yon nalaman ni Connor samantalang naturingan siyang asawa ko. And the courts still won't grant us the annulment.
"Haven't you filed a case yet?" He asked.
"Damn, Connor Ashley! It was denied... thrice!"
"Ow."
"Don't you even care?"
"I don't care at all."
"Why? Don't you want to get your freedom back?"
He sighed, "Being married to you means never putting up with women begging for a ring. This setup works for me well."
"Damn you! I don't want to be your wife! Set me free!"
"My Rose," he said in a calmer voice, "the last time I checked you, there wasn't any Jack knocking your Cabin's door. I doubt if the situation has changed since then.
It really hurts to hear something like that from him. Hindi man lang siya nagkaroon ng interes na alamin ang nangyayari sa akin. Sana'y nalaman niyang ang ugly duckling na pinakasalan niya para matalo ang numero uno niyang kalaban sa negosyo ay hindi na kasing-pangit noon. Sa katunayan ay marami nang lalaking nagkakandarapa sa akin ngayon.
It's not really fair for me because I loved him. But he's a frigging asshole. Ang pinakamasakit ay plinano niya from the start ang lokohin ako. Maybe because he knew that it was so easy for me to fall for him. Bakit nga ba? I was an insecure girl, eager to be wanted. And a dashing, virile, and sophisticated man pretended to love me. Ako naman itong si tanga, ayon at nagpaloko.
"Connor, I just want to be single again. I don't want to use your surname anymore."
"What's wrong in writing 8 extra letters? It won't even hurt you. Just imagine the hordes of women wishing to be in your shoes, my rose."
"They can have my feet if they want!"
He chuckled, "I really love your wittiness, Cassandra. I know what this is all about."
"The annulment."
"It's about you getting mad at me because I'm not giving your physical needs, right?"
Biglang nagpanting ang tenga ko. Ngunit sa halip na magalit ay ginantihan ko lamang siya.
"Think what you want to think, but I'm telling you, you're the most selfish lover I have ever had."
"Do I need to remind you that you were a virgin when we first made love?"
"Made love? Do you mean sex?"
"I am getting bored with this conversation."
"Damn you! I faked all my orgasms!"
"Oh, you didn't, you were the most lovely rose I've ever seen, thanks to me you bloomed."
"I did!" I immediately realized I was behaving like a teenager.
"My sweet rose, you even said, 'Please, don't stop, Connor Ashley' and 'I love you' and you purred like a cute kitten."
"Bastard!" singhal ko matapos mapatigil nang dahil sa sinabi niya. His voice still seduced me. At parang hindi ako natuto.
Wasn't it during our honeymoon that he hurt me intensely? I could still remember his reaction, we were making love in front of a mirror and he never looked at our reflection, nakapikit lamang siya sa duration ng pagtatalik namin.
When we separated, I just realized he couldn't even stand looking at my face when we were making love. It's so painful.
