The Call Center Attire Is Business Casual

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The Call Center Attire Is Business Casual

Wanted Ad:

Call center looking for people with technical background and customer service skills. On the job training provided. Hot girls and ugly men only. Ugly girls and hot men is ok but will never get anywhere in the company.

Oh and you will basically get paid the same rate until the end of eternity. No room for raises.

*

"Hello, thank you for calling Corporation Global, my name is Amanda! How can I help you today?"

"Hello, thank you for calling Corporation Global, my name is Russel! How can I help you today?"

"Hello, thank you for calling Corporation Global, my name is Stephani! How can I help you today?"

"Hello, thank you for calling Corporation Global, my name is Mario! How can I help you today?"

"Hello, thank you for calling Corporation Global, my name isJackson! How can I help you today?"

"Hello, thank you for calling Corporation Global, my name is Rosita! How can I help you today?"

Click, answer, click, down, click, answer, click, down, click, answer, click down.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Would you like to speak with my supervisor?"

"I am sorry sir but it is just not within our support boundaries."

"Why thank you, and happy holidays to you as well."

"I hope I have satisfied all of your needs today!"

"Thank you for calling Corporation Global, don't forget to opt into our survey at the end of the call!"

White walls. White carpet. Gray cubicles. Gray phones. White polo shirts. Red lettering across the chest. Kaki pants. Business casual.

Boop: "Customer Care"

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"We are back to back people, let's get off these calls quicker. Remember you must solve all of the customer's problems, leave them happy and do it in under 500 seconds!"

"Move people! Let's go! We expect nothing but excellence!"

Breaks are to be taken on time. Breaks are to be taken on time.

Late from lunch! Deduct a point.

Late from break! Write him up.

Late for work! Fired!

"We are paying them too much. Lower the wages by a dollar!"

"We are paying the old employees too much. Fire them!"

They shouldn't be paid at all. They are monkeys. Easily replaced. Just monkeys. All they are, are monkeys.

So easily replaced.

No smiling.

No books at your desk.

No pictures of your children.

Bathroom is being cleaned.

Hold it until your break! No off schedule breaks!

Wrong answer: FAIL!

Invalid transfer: FAIL!

Not polite enough: FAIL!

Improper documentation: FAIL!

Working here as your last resort: FAIL!

"You are all mindless drones under my command! I am call center and you do as I say. The point of life is to be miserable. I will rip you apart. Pay you just enough to be above fast food and just below ever really benefiting yourself fin the world.

"You will look for other jobs but nothing will be enough and you are just too under qualified for anything better.

"You cannot go to school because your schedule will change at the drop of a hat. We will not adhere to the needs of your personal life.

"You are too easily replaced for us to care."

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

You are too easily replaced for us to care.

Kiss ass = + 10 points

Sleeping with your supervisor = + 20 points

Sleeping with your AD = + 30 points and a raise

Working here indefinitely, adhering to your schedule, obeying the rules, following orders = 0 points

The Break Room:

Bob: "It is my one year anniversary with the company."

Sally: "Oh wow, I am sorry to hear that."

Bob: "I go home at night wishing I had the courage to kill myself."

Sally: "I already tried. But it would cost my family too much to bury me."

Bob: "Yea, the health insurance is crap."

Sally: "I considered sleeping my way up the ladder but I am not hot enough."

Bob: "I am an average Joe. I am going to be lucky not to get fired."

Sally: "Maybe you should kill yourself."

Bob: "Costs too much."

The Drudge of Being Alive:

Oh he's a jolly good fellow!

For he's a jolly good fellow!

For he's a jolly good felloooooooooooooooooooooow!

Which nobody... turn in your headset. You are fired.

POW!

BANG!

Dead.

"Hello, thank you for calling Hell, my name is Death! How can I help you today?"

The End.

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