Chp27. "I'm getting used to you"
Dedicated to- GotMeGoodBieber because I loved how her comment asked me a serious question which I loved answering :)
It had been almost two weeks of doing the same thing day after day. Two weeks of the same routine. Two weeks of spending endless amount of time locked in the guest room. Two weeks since Austin and I had locked lips. And every single night for those two weeks, I cried myself to sleep.
I cried myself to sleep because that was the only thing I could do. I cried about how messed up my life is, my mom, my friends, school, and my father. And I think I cried most because of him; I still wasn't able to let go completely.
I cried because I'm a worthless piece of crap that falls for everything and can't fight her own battles.
I really really hated myself. I hated myself because of everything. But I mostly hated myself for being so stupid and giving in to Austin. Cause that's what he wanted, to play a game. And I sadly did give in. The sad thing is, I proved to him that I'm just like any other girl.
What's really pathetic is that half of these two weeks I've been wondering why Austin never brought our previous event up again. I thought he was going to tease me about it nonstop, torment me. But he didn't. He did just the opposite; he ignored it.
I wanted to do that, I waned to forget but every time I tried forgetting it would only backfire on me. God, I really hated myself for letting this happen. I knew this was going to happen, I knew it. Yet I went ahead anyways.
I guess I learned my lesson.
We were currently inside Austin's red range rover which I never new he had. The kid was freaking rich he probably owns two mansions somewhere else and god knows what else he owns.
Damon was riding shotgun as Stella and I sat awkwardly in the back. We were all waiting for Austin to fill the car with gas, before making our way to eat. Damon decided it would be all good for us to take some time together and bond, his words not mine.
Through these past days staying with the collins, I've learned a few things. For one, they started living by themselves right after their dad had died in a car accident. Their mother was never in the picture. And two, Stella really hates me.
I don't know what I did to cause her such hate towards me but it seemed that I must have done something terrible. She ignored me the entire time as if I were never even staying at her house, unless you count the few other times she would send me death glares. Damon on the other hand was the complete opposite, he was kind and friendly- unlike Stella. He made me feel right at home, even though it will never really be home to me.
And Austin- well he's Austin. Though he hasn't really been aggressive or an asshole to me. He sort of just... ignored me not completely ignored but in a way that he talks to me occasionally.
I don't know why he was acting like this; so distant. Maybe it was because of that kiss.
Fuck, now he thinks I'm a whore. I mess everything up.
Unfortunately I would be lying if I said it didn't kind of hurt my feelings a little bit. One thing I hated was feeling ignored. Somehow one day, out of the blue he randomly handed me some cash. He said it was to buy whatever I wanted and needed. Which I had to go out with Stella to put that money to use; I kindly invited Damon to cease the tension that was going to create only between us.