A/N YES I did change my cover if you were wondering!
We finally got home. The first thing I did was run up to my room. I shut the door and put my back to it, I slid to the ground and thought.
I picked myself off from the ground and sat at my desk. I began to draw, trying to bring my mind to something other than this broken family.
"Dinner!" Lindsey calls through the house.
I hesitate, then go downstairs. I sit at the table and it's silent. Awkward silence.
I make eye contact with Bandit and her facial expression changes into a heartbroken look. Then in a split second she starts crying.
"Bandit, honey, what happened?" Lindsey runs over to her.
"Peyton happened!" She screams.
Gerard shoots his head back to look at me. He knew the measures I would go to but I didn't think he knew I would kill myself.
"I'm sorry." I whisper softly.
I run upstairs and go into my room. I shut the door, locking it this time. I shouldn't wait until tomorrow, I'm going to do it now.
I sit at my desk and grab a pen and paper. I press the led against the white sheet, think about how this should go. I never really thought about writing a suicide note. I decided to just write whatever comes to mind.
Dear Dad, Mom, and Bandit,
I'd like to start off with saying I'm sorry. Im sorry for pretending I had no problems, that I was the perfect child. The truth is, if you haven't realized, I'm a mess. I ripped this family into many pieces and I am so sorry.
Gerard, dad, I know this might be hard for you. I know you love me, don't think that I don't know that because I do. You've helped me, more than that, you've saved me. I know I've only known you for a few months but it feels like a lot longer because I think of you as my dad. I didn't think it could happen that fast. I don't want you to think that I wasn't happy because I was. It just took me a long time to realize what I was doing to you. It wasn't good dad. You got so hurt but I was fine? That's not how it was supposed to happen. I was supposed to cut myself, or over dose on anti depressants, get bullied, I was supposed to have my throat slit. You saved me from all of that, and I appreciate it so much. That's an understatement because you're my hero. You did this for a reason, it's because you loved me. I'm your daughter, and I know that. I just want to stop being your daughter because that's so much better for you. That's all I really want, what's best for you all. Please know, and never forget that I love you.
Mom, I've had amazing times with you so this might be a shock. You make me laugh when I'm sad. I'm sorry you couldn't make me laugh this time, I'm sorry I'm so sad right now. So sad that not even the brightest, funniest person in the world can cheer me up. Promise me that you won't forget our laughs and our days of painting and baking. They might be small memories but they make me smile everyday. This was my last day to smile and trust me, I thought a lot about our memories. Thank you for all of that, don't forget me okay? I love you.
Bandit, my amazing sister, it's so hard saying goodbye to you but I have to go now. I am sorry that you might not like me very much right now. I know you're sad with me, I can't believe I said that to you. Know that I love you and I'm so grateful to have had you in my life. All our dance parties and piano playing will always be in my mind, even in heaven. I'm going to heaven B! I'll always watch over you, I'll even make some angels watch over you, I promise. Goodbye Bandit, I love you.
This is good for you all, and me. I'm going to be happy in the sky. You'll have nothing to worry about so you can all smile again. I want to smile again to, it'll be easier if I know you're all happy. Trust me, you're happier without me. Three cheers for being happy! I love you guys so much, never forget me, promise?