Part 29 - Love Me Instead

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sorry about not updating for like 8 days guys I don't really have an excuse for that sorryyyyyyyyyy

comment thoughts lol

I always notice it when you guys comment

xx senpai

Lila 

I walked into the ballroom, my heart all bruised and tight in my chest. I followed where the people were gathered around a match. I slipped my way slowly towards the front until I could clearly see Jako sitting across from a girl whose long blonde hair was pulled back, out of her way. I felt myself examining her face. She was gorgeous, yet Jako seemed unbothered. As if he didn't even notice. He paused for a second, and then turned towards me. As his eyes met mine I felt my heart climb into my throat. I wondered if he could tell I'd just kissed his Uncle.

I feel ashamed in front of him.

I realized with a start. I feel aware and conscious. I feel...

He smiled at me then, and then winked. He turned back towards his opponent who glanced at me curiously. He moved his rookie and then grinned over the chess board.

"Checkmate."

I watched as the hope vanished from the girl's face and she sat as Jako stood. He flaunted over towards me as cheers rang out around us. He smiled down at me, and when I couldn't smile back he frowned. He leaned down towards me.

"Are you ok?" He asked in a whisper. I shook my head, and instead placed my hands over his.

"Good job. You won." But my words are twinged with sadness.

He nodded, but as he looked down at me as I tried to avoid his gaze I knew even though I wasn't meeting his eye he sees.

"I'm not sorry for kissing you." He mumbled, and suddenly I was wrapping my arms around him wishing he'd just hug me back. Somehow I craved warmth and I felt cold to the touch.

"That's fine." I mumbled into his chest, as his arms wrapped around me.

"What's wrong?" He asked, but I didn't answer. Too scared and ashamed to.

"I saw Kadri," I murmured. Somehow hoping he wasn't  hearing me, but I knew from the way that his body tensed that he did.  "And..." Do I tell him about Michelle? "My chest hurts." I told him instead. Instead of mentioning Michelle. Instead of telling him that we kissed.

"Fine. Let's go upstairs. I'm done with my matches now and the awards won't be given out until 12 so let's go back to our room ok?"

I didn't argue.

I just walked with him, not really wanting to let him go but wanting to all the same. My head felt like it was swimming as we walked to the elevator. I kept thinking about Michelle and about Kadri. Even if me and Kadri were done it felt like I'd just gotten involved in something heavy. Something I'd just tried to avoid. Something...dangerous.

I felt my mind racing.

What if-

What if-

What if-

It was making my head hurt to think of all the possibilities, and then came the worst yet best ones.

What if Kadri doesn't let go of you? What if you let him be with someone who manipulated you to be with him? What if you're making a mistake? What if you're not?

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