I was sitting on the uncomfortable plane seat, looking out the window. It's been two weeks and we finally get to go home. Gerard's out of the hospital, which is good. Bandit's still mad at me, which is bad. It hurts though, because she's more sad, which is worse. Lindsey hasn't talked to me, she knows it's my fault that Bandit's sad and Gerard's hurt.
I've been planning this for two weeks, sleepless nights of just thinking. I was going to commit suicide. Yes, I am fully aware that that's the stupidest thing I could ever do, but it's also the best thing for the Ways.
I had it all planned out, I was going to go home, write my letter, and later that night I was going to leave. I wanted to go to the top of a building that Gerard and I would go to and sing songs. I wanted my last memory to be something happy.
The thing is, I was so happy when Gerard and Lindsey adopted me. I was huge fans of theres so that was best case scenario. Now, I've realized I'm tearing this family apart inside out.
"Peyton?" Gerard says, interrupting my thoughts.
"Yes?" I ask, snapping my head around.
He looked at me like he knew what I was thinking.
"This isn't your fault, you know that right?" He asks, grabbing my hand.
"I'm sorry." I say, knowing it was my fault.
"You don't need to be sorry because it's not you're fault."
I knew he had more to say, he just didn't say it.
"What else do you want to say?"
"Peyton I know you're depressed again, Lindsey found your razors next to your bag. Maybe you always where but I'm to dumb to see it. But I've been through it and you know that. So please, talk to me."
"I don't want to talk about it." I don't want to get into everything if I'm just going to end it soon.
He signs and closes his eyes. I look out the plane window and wonder if this is what heaven looks like. Then I quickly stop because I realize that that's a really dumb thought. I also realize I am dumb so I continue to think about dying and heaven. It was weird to think, I was going to die.