You And I

• My Fault •

Ben ran over to Denis' limp body, calling his name, "Denis? Denis?!" However, no matter how hard he tried, all he got were low mutters and Denis' closed eyes. Ben kneeled beside him, pulling his thin upper body onto his lap and holding him as he dialed 911. Tears blurred his vision as he spoke to the woman on the other side of the line, "911, what's your emergency?" "My friend-" Ben stuttered, "h-he's bleeding really badly." He answered the woman's questions without thought, the only thing on his mind being Denis' injury.

Blood was all over Ben's hands and lap, coming from a bad wound in his best friend's skull. When the ambulance finally arrived, everything seemed to slow down and time itself mushed together. The paramedics prying Denis out of his arms, the police leading him to one of their cars, and their useless attempts at asking what had happened. Ben couldn't think, see or even walk straight at that point and when James came running over, he fell into his arms, overcome with sobs.

James led him back to the bus where he got Ben water and sat him down. "Ben, I need you to be calm." He spoke carefully, staring dead into his eyes. The guitarist took in a few shaky breaths, eyes which still bounced around nervously. "I need to see him." Ben got up, "I need to-" James stopped him and put him back on the couch. "No. Ben, you are in no condition to go out right now, you look traumatized." He stated. "You ass, do you care about him?! I need to know he's okay! I need, I-I need..." Ben stopped yelling at James when his stuttered breathing took over.

James pulled him into a hug, shushing him gently and telling him it'd be alright. "Ben," he spoke after a while, "It's going to be okay, Denis is alright, he's in good hands. I know I sound extremely calm for this kind of situation, but what else am I supposed to be if I want to make things better?" Ben didn't respond. "Exactly." He continued, "Now, we will see Denis as soon as we can, but I know for sure they won't let us tonight. I don't know about tomorrow, I'll ask the other guys, they're talking to the officials." Ben nodded glumly, standing up and dragging himself to his bunk.

When he laid down, he stared at the ceiling, what had he done? Was this his fault? It must've been. Denis was obviously going through something and Ben had been so set on not acting gay that he'd neglected his job as a best friend and didn't even think about his problems. He Ben sighed, closing his eyes with concern still deeply visible on his face, "whatever it takes." He muttered, "whoever I have to beat up, whatever I have to do, Denis Stoff, I promise I will fix this."

*The next morning*

Ben woke up late the next day, feeling groggy and quite empty. There was no cheerful and adorably sleepy Denis to see sipping coffee in the lounge, there were no warm, brown eyes glistening with excitement for their second tour, and there certainly was no perfect Ukrainian voice to make fun of. Sluggishly, the guitarist moped over to a window and leaned his forehead against it, having a head ache worse than any hangover he'd ever experienced. He cringed at the thought of his last hangover, when Denis had kindly left out water and Aspirin......

"It's my fault." He mumbled, staring into the mess of trees and greenery where the incident had occurred. Suddenly, a voice piped in, "no, it's not. Denis is going to be okay, Ben." Ben knew instantly who it was without having to turn around, "it is my fault, Sam. When do we get to see him again?" Sam sighed, "later this afternoon we can go see him, but I don't know what's wrong with him, they won't tell me." Ben nodded and Sam took that as his cue to leave, stepping out the front door.

Ben grabbed a set of clothes and walked past his just awakening bandmates, into the bathroom. Locking the door, he turned on the shower and got undressed, stepping in when he deemed it hot enough. Scalding water pelted his back, sliding down his body as he pressed his forehead against the cold wall of the shower. He recited his apology for Denis over and over again in his head, I'm so sorry Denis, I wasn't there for you when I should've been. I've been an awful friend and I really hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me.

He closed his eyes and sighed, grabbing the shampoo and running the liquid through his hair, please forgive me.....

A few hours or so later, the boys had arrived at the hospital where Denis rested. Sam and Cameron were stopped at the door by multiple news reporters come to interview them on the incident, while James and Ben were able to sneak in. The woman at the reception desk kindly showed them to the room and a doctor walked out. "Ah, you must be Ben and...James?" He spoke in a deep voice that fit his dark, ebony skin. "Yes sir." James nodded, "I am Doctor Ramsei and I have been taking care of your friend, Denis." He smiled kindly, showing the deep life lines scrawled upon his face, "Denis is doing quite well recovering from the severe situation, but there are some things I must warn you about..." Dr. Ramsei opened the door, "please, come in."

When Ben saw Denis, the apology that he'd practiced countless times disappeared from his mind. He was hooked up to an uncomfortable amount of machines and his skin looked pale and sickly. "Like I said, Denis is doing well in recovery, however, due to extreme head trauma he is currently in a coma. We have not yet determined how long he will be like this, but we are working hard to figure out." The doctor explained. Ben's mouth was wide open in shock and he felt his eyes begin to burn.

"Is there anything else wrong Doctor?" James asked, "unfortunately, yes." Dr. Ramsei sighed, "Denis will have slight amnesia when he wakes up, we aren't entirely sure how bad it will be, but again, we're working on it." The doctor walked up to Denis and moved the sheet that covered him, down to his waist. "Also" he continued, "when he wakes up, he will have to stay here a while for examination...." "Examination? Why?" James questioned. "Because Mr. Cassells" he allowed Denis' stomach to show through a slit in the side of his medical gown, "he's been participating in extreme self harm."

James gasped and Ben lost it, tears flew freely from his eyes and awful sobs racked his thin form. "Doctor, if w-we may..." James gulped, "of course, of course!" Dr. Ramsei left quickly and James held Ben close, "Ben, Ben, it's okay, it's gonna be alright." The guitarist took a few moments to regain himself as much as he could, "James?" He asked, "C-can I be with Denis a-alone?" James nodded, "yeah, you can" with that he left to join the other boys in the interview. Ben shakily walked up to Denis' bedside, a couple more tears escaping his eyes.

"Den....this is all my fault. I should've been there for you, b-but I wasn't, I just...I-I...You make me feel things I don't want to feel and I'm scared man! I don't wanna be gay or bi or anything but straight and I'm afraid you'll change that! That's why I avoided you an-" Ben's rambling was cut short by Denis's ringtone going off beside him. The guitarist glanced at the phone on the desk and looked at the contact name, a girl named Luna.

Ben debated for a second if he should pick it up, before deciding Fuck it and answering the call. "Denis! Oh my god Denis, I saw the news, are you okay?! I'm on my way to see you right now, oh my god oh my god oh my god please say you're alright!" A worried girl's voice came through from the other side, speaking swiftly. "U-uh..." Ben took a deep breath, "t-this isn't Denis." He replied. "What?" The girl, assumably Luna, asked, "then who is this?" "My name is Ben." He answered. Luna didn't say anything for a while before responding with, "o-oh, you're one of his friends, right?" Ben nodded although she couldn't see it, "yeah, yeah I am."

Luna sighed, "is he okay?" Ben gulped, "yeah, but he's in a coma...when he comes out he's gonna have slight amnesia and trauma...." "Oh god.." Luna breathed, her voice shaking, "what happened to him?" Ben paused for a second before saying, "it's my fault."