CHAPTER 42 Pace Yourself

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copyright 2017 Chris Smith  All rights reserved.

"Keep hope alive and feed it every day."

@RantingsOfaGirl


We took Mom in for our bi-monthly visit to the Doc's. He's more worried about us than he is about Mom. He's worried we're not pacing ourselves for the long haul of taking care of Mom.

I'm not sure how you pace yourself for a journey you've never been on?

I'm not sure how you pace yourself for a hard run into Hell?

I'm not sure how you be "okay" when you're trying to save someone's life while pouring out all of yours?

I knew what the Doc meant. But I wasn't sure how you did it. Every day was another marathon run. It started off every morning the same. The first priority was to check on the Parents.

How did Mom sleep?

Did Dad sleep well?

Did anything happen during the night?

How's Mom this morning?

Are we ready for juice?

I hit the bathroom for a pit stop and to brush my teeth. Next, it was straight to the kitchen to start prepping for juice and taking care of any pre-meal nutritional supplements. Then I pulled out all the produce for the morning juice and washed everything. I'd cue Dad for juicing, unless he had meetings in town.

While Dad did juice I went around to empty all our trash and empty the dishwasher. When he finished juice we'd sit around together on their bed and have our juice. Dad always had stories to tell Mom. And I'd take photos of the morning rituals. I always loved watching the love they had for each other. It was epic the way Mom lit up around him, listening to his tales.

When we went to the Doc's appointments now days, Mom was always the priority. One of us had to stay in the exam room with her. Normally we'd all shift around to the different treatment rooms for the laser and the energy mat. It used to be that Dad and I would get separate time with the Doc. But since one of us had to watch over Mom, our office visits were down to the bare minimum because it took more time to watch over and assist with Mom.

Mom's liver muscle tested for viral infection. So rather than Mom going to the room where the laser treatment was, the Doc brought the machine into our exam room. Then he took Dad into the next room to muscle test him while I stayed with Mom putting the laser on her liver.

By the time we left the Doc's we were all spent, Mom especially. Since she didn't have a lot of energy to begin with, it took a lot of out of her to go into town for appointments. Sometimes I'd remember to pack a few snacks, like sliced apples. On the drive home, while Mom was laid out on the back seat, I'd pass her some apples to munch on.

When we got home we'd have to unload all our stuff and any nutritional supplements we bought. First step was getting Mom inside the house safely. Once Mom was back on the bed, we'd undress her from all the town clothes and get her comfortable again. Her little body would be so exhausted from the ordeal; she'd pass out for a nap.

I'd sleep my life away if I could. I figured I could use about a week, okay maybe a month's worth of sleep. But that life was worlds away from mine.

Every day I did the same routine hoping for change. But the truth was I had no idea if anything we were doing would change the road ahead of us. The reality of the forest when you're busy staring at one tree is very different. I wanted the fucking tree to heal already so we could get on with other things, like living. I didn't like this life. It was sucking the fun right out of us.

I tried not to think about it much. I put one foot in front of the other, and kept moving. It was all I could do.


NOVEMBER 6

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! MOM IS HUNGRY!

Days Juicing: 49

It has taken since March/April 2012 (and it's now November 2012) to get her to the point where she SAYS she is hungry and WANTS to eat. A_FRACKING_MAZING.

She's making little steps towards healing. But I kid you not, it's taken, and taking, Dad (and right now it is only he and I doing it all) and I, A TON of energy to help her make that journey. Neither of us are getting enough sleep, and the stress, and responsibility is outer effing limits. How do you not be stressed about helping save someone's life?

And for the last 49 days, she's been off ALL pharmaceutical medications. The only things she's taking right now, are nutritional supplements. Most prescribed and energetically tested for her (with Applied Kinesiology) by our Chiropractor/Family Doc (not an M.D.), and some by her M.D. Dr. (but we energetically tested those with Applied Kinesiology too).

What concerns me most, is not her physical state, but her mental state. If we can help support her healing, and she heals, what about all the crap she's carrying inside her? What about all the scars, the disappointments, the feelings of failure, the self harm and judgement? That's not going to "go away" because we're giving her juice. How do you resolve and heal how you feel about yourself? I don't mean superficially. I'm talking deep down, in the CORE of your being, and how you FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF. How do you be OKAY and make peace not only with your past, but with where you are today? That...is the most important issue for Mom, in my opinion. Not the cancer. The cancer is an effect. Because if she can't heal all that negativity and make peace with herself, what's she's been through and where she is, and let go of all the negativity, she won't Heal. She can't. She has to GROW in order to heal.


Juice Day 48

½ cup dandelion greens

4 napa cabbage

6 kale leaves

6 red lettuce leaves

2 collard greens

2 apples

1 pomegranate

4 carrots

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