2. The First Step

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I'm interested.

I finally allowed myself to admit that I was interested in his proposal, I just wasn't sure I would meet the criteria. I had stopped after only a few lines and now decided to revisit it.

Hot body? Not too bad, I thought as I studied myself in the mirror. I had always been slim and after months of emotional turmoil I was probably more on the skinny side now. My breasts were large and somehow up until now had managed to defy gravity. Sure they weren't perky like when I was 20, but they weren't hanging down to my waist either.

I studied my face next, my eyes focussed on the black bags I seemed to carry around lately, but all I needed was some decent sleep and a few days in the fresh air and they would be gone. My long blonde hair was straight, but with a little tousling I could wear it wavy. My green eyes were undoubtedly my favourite feature and with my small nose and full lips I attracted my fair share of attention.

I tried to imagine myself having sex with anyone other than Liam and felt excited by the prospect. I finally felt like I was taking my life back, like I had control of myself and my happiness. Yes, yes I could have sex with another man. But, would I be adventurous enough? That I couldn't answer, although all those naughty thoughts I'd kept hidden for the last 5 years or so now came to the forefront of my mind. Smiling to myself, I thought maybe I could be. With the right man and under the right circumstances, I think that's a side of me I could explore.

I poured myself a glass of wine as I continued through the list.

I wasn't concerned about my personality, I had always been up for a bit of fun.  Sometimes too much, but I did like to enjoy myself.  Well, before Liam left that is, but I'm sure that side of me is still there lurking just below the surface.

For the first time in so long, I studied myself honestly and realised I was happy with myself just as I am.

j@gmail.com
I'm interested....not hypothetically.

I pressed send and panicked immediately. Another glass of wine later I was staring at the screen, willing him to answer me.

Carrying my glass into my room, I began sorting through my wardrobe, throwing out anything I hadn't worn in the last 6 months, frowning as it became obvious I had been living in sweat pants and baggy tops. My comfort clothes. Bagging up the items that I would drop into a clothes bin, I turned to my drawers, my fingers rubbing over the lacy materials I had purchased today.

Stripping down, I began trying them on. It had been a long time since I'd felt sexy, but that was exactly how I felt now. It's funny how something so simple could change your outlook and as I went through to pour another drink, I saw that I had an email waiting.

mia@gmail.com
I'm glad you've reconsidered, are you up for a FaceTime session?

Looking down at myself, I laughed.

j@gmail.com
Not appropriately dressed.

mia@gmail.com
You have my interest, explain.

j@gmail.com
Purchased lingerie today, not really the best first impression.

I waited for his reply.

mia@gmail.com
I think that would be very impressionable. Do you have it in you?

Shit! Could I do this?

j@gmail.com
Let's talk first, we can decide on the next step later. It might not be one either of us want to take.

mia@gmail.com
I'll give you 5 to get dressed.

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