NOTE: I do not own the ideas written below.
*This is an article written by a funny and critical observer at dota-allstars.com. It shows some funny truths about most DotA players. Some qualities stated here are inspirational and most negative traits will make you aware not to be one. Enjoy reading and reflecting. ROFL
Here are the 38 Types of DotA Players
I. The Chinese Gold Farmer
First of all, this guy probably got into DotA from playing World of Warcraft and failing grades at school in order to play World of Warcraft. You will notice that whatever is happening whether your entire team is getting wiped out or your base is under attack, this guy will always do one thing.
Yep, that's farm up super-dooper-drop-your-pants-zomg-bbq items! Someone should tell him the game only lasts around 1 hour and after that everything he earns will be gone. Oh well I guess there's some sort of pleasure in amassing virtual goodies that don't exist in the real world. (PS. if you think I'm racist I'm Chinese myself.)
Strategy: Gank him. That's it. He'll be too busy pushing forward in the lane and won't be thinking about battles or ganks.
Preferred Heroes: Alchemist, Doom
II. The Wannabe Hero
Whether it be taking all the leavers items, farming up until late game and getting Beyond Godlike all of a sudden, or posting hundreds of replays on Dota-Allstars.com as hans2; this guy will go out of his way to get the phatest of lewt, highest amount of XP etc. He will probably not help you in a gank unless he's 100% sure he'll get a kill and make himself look good. Wait til late game and let him carry the team.
These guys could be a blessing come the 50th minute mark. Or if not then they're as useful to the team as 3 Lothar's Edge's on a Stealth Assassin.
Hey, what can I say? You play to win, you play to look good infront of everyone.
Strategy: Deny and harass until he gets pissed off and ragequits. If he stays then applaud the other players on his team and he'll also get pissed off.
Preferred Heroes: Clinkz, Clinkz, Clinkz, Naix
III. The Rambo
Ever seen guys who will rush into a fray of 5 enemy heroes and die and then start spamming words to the effect of "ZOMG NOOBS YOU DIDN'T HELP ME!!!! (Rambo has left the game). These guys have a seriously difficult time figuring out when a gank is coming, what minimap pings mean, why 5v1 is not odds to be proud of etc. My advice to these guys: "Stay the hell away from casinos." Often they're colorblind (I kid you not I got a friend on Bnet who is colorblind and gets confused when he sees the minimap) or they're still between being a noob and being an average player.
Strategy: Let him feed!
Preferred Heroes: Centaur, Bristleback
IV. The Newbie
A newb and a noob are too different things. A newb is a new player who will contribute to the team and follow orders and generally ask question which will make him a better player. A noob is someone who has played for over a year and still get owned by everyone and spams in chat and ragequits after dying. Newbies should be treated with care and caressed... Maybe not caressed but you should all help these people out and give them pointers.
Strategy: Tell him that to win the game all you have to do is reach the enemy fountain. (I ain't joking, it's actually worked for me once. Yes, I am slightly sadistic.)