No Love. No Marriage.

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"These emails will be the death of me," I murmur. I've been getting so many emails regarding Harry and my relationship. Emails of reporters, and of people who run magazines, like the Sun. They're driving me nuts. Some want to know if Harry's actually gay, some want to know how our relationship is progressing so far and some want me to actually write down an article describing Harry's flaws.
"What happened?" Kate asks me, looking up from the book that she's reading.
"Emails, that's what happened. The worst thing in the world." I say, as I delete another useless email from a reporter. "They've been sending me such useless emails. I don't even understand, why me? They can't actually believe that I'll give them an article regarding Harry's flaws, right?"
"Well..." I glare at Kate, eyebrows raised.
"So you would?"
"Yeah, I mean, if it meant I could make a couple of bucks." She shrugs her shoulders. "Don't judge, okay? I always need cash."
"That doesn't mean you sell out your boyfriend, Kate." I shake my head at her stupidity. "Just...get back to work." Nowadays, I don't get time to get any college work done. So, thank God, Harry's gone for another concert because this means I get time to get some assignments off my plate.
"What'll you do when Harry leaves, Mus?" Kate says.
"What do you mean?" I ask, not taking my eyes off the laptop, where I'm typing a biology assignment.
"He'll be touring the world, Mus and you'll be here - in one place. It'll be a long distance relationship, where neither of you gets to see the other one more than once in a year. Plus, when Harry's on a break wouldn't he prefer to go and meet his mom, rather than you and I mean that in the nicest possible way."
"Yeah, I get you," I murmur. Kate's right. What will happen to our relationship when Harry leaves?
"Mus, I'm sorry if I upset you. I'm just trying to be a good friend and make sure that you know what you're getting yourself into. I don't want you to go so deep that you can't come out, you know?" I nod my head, my fingers losing their speed on the keyboard. She's right, what are we doing? Harry and I can't possibly think this will work once he leaves Germantown. What have I gotten myself into? I shut off the laptop, and lie flat on my back. Placing my hands on my chest, I stare at the ceiling. I'm not part of Hollywood, so I can't even travel around in private jets. Plus, I need to stay here and focus on my studies. Studies, yeah that's what I'm here for. I'm only eighteen and I need to make my future. Boys will come and go.
"Mus, don't cry." Kate says, pushing books off her lap and sitting down beside me on the floor. She embraces me, and buries her face into my shoulder. "I'm sorry, I really am."
"It's not your fault, Kate, you just spoke the truth and rightly so. I'm sad because I don't know where Harry and I are going with our relationship." I say, my tears wetting her shoulder. "You're right, once he's gone, then what? Phone calls, texts, emails, but till when? Remember when Gregg was maintaining a long distance relationship we were strictly against it, because such relationships never work. And now, if I maintain a long distance relationship - or even let the thought seep into my mind that it can work - I'm a hypocrite, right?"
"No, you're just in love." Kate whispers, rocking us both back and forth.
"In love?" I let out a short, humorless laugh. "No, no, no. Kate, love doesn't happen overnight and in a matter of days, does it?" The look in Kate's eyes is one of pity, and as one would look at a child.
"Mus...I've known you since high school. I know when you're happy, sad, uncomfortable and lying. Right now, you're lying. Girl, you've done it before any of us. You've fallen in love." I shake my head and get off the bed. "And you know what the best thing is? You don't even know it yet." I pass my tongue over my lips, another nervous habit of mine.
"Kate," I whisper. "I'm doomed. I am doomed to hell." I place my head in my hands, and let out a cry.
"Mus, love isn't hell. It's...something that everyone wants desperately, but not all can get it."
"I don't want it!" I snap. "Kate, you know this as well as I do, I don't believe in love. I believe in relationships, sure, but only relationships. Nothing more. No marriage, no engagement and definitely no love."
"You might not believe in it, but you've fallen in love." Kate says. I look up to find her smiling and I can tell she's happy for me. But I'm not. I don't want to get into the mess that's called love. Harry and I are fine, as long as we're in a relationship where we care for each other. Care, that's it. Throughout my life I've seen marriages get destroyed. My parents, and my grandparents. My grandparents never got divorced. However, the way they lived was bone-chilling. I rather die than be forced to maintain a relationship like that. The only reason they didn't get a divorce was because they were fearful of ruining my mother's and her sister's life and they were worried as to what the society would think. My step-mother's and dad's marriage isn't any better, as far as I can tell. They don't communicate properly, every time my step-mom says something to dad, he just nods his head, even if it's not a question. Why maintain such marriages where you're living in hell? What's the bloody point of it all? That's why when I turned sixteen, I decided that I will never marry, nor will I ever fall in love. It's such a waste of time. Suddenly, I hear the front door clicking open. Harry's back.

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