The weekend was already over and today the exams were going to begin. I studied a lot the weekend and I’ve been dreaming about the dead girl and how I could’ve saved her. But that was only in the back of my mind. I’ve been up all night studying and I haven’t even slept. It’s 6am so I get to the bathroom I see my mom isn’t up already because the lights aren’t on. I put on a black jegging and a blue tank top that says; “I refuse to sink”. I go downstairs and eat an apple I leave early without even saying goodbye. I and my mom weren’t so close but I did not hate her. It was just no dad no sister no brother so I felt alone a lot. I call Ali but she doesn’t answer I text her that I left and she doesn’t have to pick me up. I walk and when I see the school I stop to see a big memorial for the girl apparently her name is Mary. I get to class and sit in the front row. I see that there aren’t any pupils in class so I go back to the hallway and study a little by my locker. ‘Hi’ I hear someone say. I turn around still looking in my book. ‘What?’ I say still not looking at the person. ‘Sorry I’m probably just disturbing you’ the person says and walks away. I didn’t even get the time to look at him/her. I roll my eyes and start studying again. The bell rings so I head to class. I go to my usual chair in the back. Alone. Our professor hands out the tests and we begin. I fill in the test very quick and I think I’m even the first one to leave. There is still a lot of time ‘till next class so I go to the library. I take a seat and start rereading my notes. ‘Excuse me?’ a familiar voice says. I don’t even think about looking up. ‘Yeah?’ I say. I hear the person takes a seat right next to me. I look and I see it’s a boy. He stares at me while I’m trying to concentrate on my notes. ‘Is something wrong?’ I say looking at him. ‘N-no I just I recognize you’ he says. I stand up just in time because the bell rings. Saved by the bell. ‘Well uh I’m Destiny the bullied girl’ I say while walking away. Everywhere I go I see posters of Mary. I feel responsible of her death. ‘Take a seat everyone I will hand you the exam in a minute’ Mrs. GrinWald says. She is my English teacher my favorite. I love English I always had good grades and I love reading. ‘Mr. Styles You’re late! Take a seat’ the teacher says pointing at the seat next to mine. I want to burst out in tears because I know what his reaction will be. No one wants to sit next to me. I know this boy I think his name was Harry but I don’t know he is a nice looking guy but I don’t like his personality. ‘Why can’t I just sit at my usual place?’ he says surprisingly calm. The teacher just looks at him and he sits right next to me. I avoid eye contact with everyone in the room. When I get my test I have trouble filling it in, Harry on the other hand fills the exam in with no problem. I keep thinking about Mary, Harry, Alison and the still unknown person who keeps talking to me. ‘You can give back the papers now and you are free to leave’ Mrs. GrinWald says. I walk down the hallway and then I realize no one has called me names or pushed me today. Well then that’s the first time. I walk out of school to find Alison waiting in her car right in front of the school. I get in the car and she drops me at home. When I’m home I go straight to my room. I feel alone, tired and sad. I want to cry all the emotions out. I change my clothes and I go to bed. I end up crying myself to sleep. The next morning I walk to school because Alison is feeling sick. I am kind of scared of what they might do to me. I walk in the hallway and walk into a boy.  ‘Sorry’ I say he turns around and says ‘Watch where you’re going bitch’. I get to my locker and someone taps my shoulder. I wish with every little bit of my heart that it was Ali but of course it wasn’t. ‘Yeah?’ I say I turn around to see Harry standing there. ‘U-uhm yes?’ I say kind of scared he always scared me he is very tough and I just don’t like him. ‘Let me walk you to class?’ he asks I look surprised lately it feels like people are starting to be nice to me but I don’t think Harry is being nice he probably just wants something. ‘Sure’ I say still a bit confused. ‘So… How are you?’ he asks after a moment of awkward silence. ‘I’m fine.’ I lie. ‘You’re mysterious Destiny, everything about you is a question mark’ he says all of a sudden. ‘Well uhm I don’t know what you mean by that?’ I say and he smirks. ‘Yeah it’s like nobody knows anything about you?’ he says when we arrive at classroom 107. ‘Well Harry I assure you, you don’t want to know’ I say he grabs my arm and says ‘Well I do’. We walk in the room and I see that there are not that many people in the room. I sit on my usual seat and Harry takes a seat right next to me. Great. I look at him and he smirks. ‘Is something wrong?’ he says I ignore him and wait for the teacher to come in. It takes a while before the principal announces that the teacher is sick and we are free to go. I sigh as I pack my stuff and get out of class as fast as I can. I feel a bit frail when I walk down the hallway. It has been a short day and I’m happy we are free to go. One hour less hell. I grab my ipod and I can feel someone grabbing my arm. ‘Tell me... Your darkest secret’ a familiar voice says. Shit Harry. I’m scared about the way he’s talking. I can feel the curiosity in his voice. ‘If I say it won’t be a secret anymore and why do you care you’re one of the popular guys you don’t talk to girls like me’ I say trying to walk away but he keeps catching up with me. ‘I want to know’ he says. ‘Well Harry you will never know a thing about me, it’s just how life goes I keep my secrets to friends and I will never call you my friend cause I know that when I tell you ONE of my secrets it’ll be out in no second’ I say while running away. I’m scared that I will fall but I keep on running until I reach my house. What is wrong with me? I run away after I tell Harry that I will never trust him. I’m such a freak and Harry probably thinks I’m a loser. I start crying because I feel like such an idiot there’s a reason why people hate me and bully me every day. It’s because I’m a loser with no friends and I feel horrible every freaking day. I run upstairs and jump in my bed. I start thinking about my life. Will it ever get better? Am I worth this? Why me? Is it ever gonna be normal again? Is this my faith? Do I really deserve this? Is it my fault? All unanswered questions. I cry all the pain out instead of cutting my arms I cry all night long I end up crying myself to sleep still thinking about the way it was before. When I was 12 everything was great a happy life nice friends lovely parents and then my dad passed away everything changed I stopped hanging out with my friends and that’s where my depression started. I went to see a shrink every Monday but I stopped doing that when I was 14. I got in depression very soon in life I was only 13 years old when everything in my life changed. I lost my friends, my family and then I lost my mind. I felt alone every night and day the only person who is still there for me - well as much as she can - is Alison. She has to deal with a psychopath like me I have an eating disorder and I know it. I feel fat every day and I know I am. Sometimes actually a lot of times I wish that I was dead. It’s not that anyone would be sad, there is no person in the whole world who would care about me dead. A lot of people would even be happy. Relieved that the ugly Destiny Jacobs is gone. It would be a relief to me too. I feel like shit every day so am not worth living. I drown in tears and thoughts and I end up crying myself to sleep. 

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