Indiana Jones and Captain America

Part 1

One day, Indiana was sitting in his car wondering what to do with his life. Then it hit him! "I will go on a quest for the Holy Hamburger - the best burger in the world," he said as he set off driving his car through the Arizonian desert. Unfortunately, his car soon broke down.

The heat soon got to him and he thought he saw James Bond walking down the road in pink pajamas. Indiana walked over to him, but as soon as he got close, James's skin dissolved away, leaving Indi staring at nothing more than a skeleton. The skeleton whispered to Indiana to follow the peanut butter and jelly trail. The skeleton then disintegrated into a heap of nothing. Indiana pulled a frying pan and potatoes out of his pocket and lit a few sticks on fire with his laser eyes. He cut the potatoes with a knife he had and then fried them.

After frying the potatoes, he stuck them in his pocket for later. All of a sudden a rabbit named Haymitch with a Scottish accent walked up to him and said, "I have a goat cart for you to ride to get out of this desert".

"Don't you mean go cart?" Indiana genuinely hoped that the rabbit meant go cart, as he thoroughly enjoyed go carts.

"Nope!" Haymitch gleefully squawked.

"Okey - dokey then, that sounds pretty legit," replied Indiana in a sing - song voice. He hopped into the goat cart and let Haymitch drive him to a town. In the town Indiana inquired the locals about the Holy Hamburger. The only one willing to answer him was a man named Crazy Ray (but everyone just called him Crazy). Crazy told him that Captain America hid the burger because it was too powerful for any one human, and that if you wanted to find it, you needed to find Captain America.

Indiana knew that this would be tough, as Steve Rogers was as elusive as Bigfoot. Indiana slowly frolicked down the street while he thought of this problem and bumps into Steve Rogers. He tried to tackle Steve, but trying to tackle a super soldier is never a good idea. Steve got angry and transformed into a colossal green mons- wait, no, that's Bruce Banner. Never mind. Steve politely asked if Indiana was okay. "Are you okay, sir?"

"ya , I'm fine," Indiana replied, rather gruffly.

"I'm sorry," Steve apologized. "I wasn't watching where I was going. I've had a lot on my mind lately, like Hugo weaving's eyebrows. Well, It's actually all I can think about! I mean really, his eyebrows are at a creepy forty five degree angle on his face!" After Steve apologized, They walked to Steve's house to try and think of a plan. Steve also had to get his superhero clothes on. When he tried to get his tights on, he accidentally kicked a hole in the wall. This happened so often that there were several hundred holes in the wall. Steve then tried to get his boots on but someone super glued them to the tiles of his living room floor.

After and hour of struggle, he finally managed to get his boots off of the floor, but the tiles were still stuck to the bottom of the boots. He heard laughing in the other room and got angry. He swiftly grabbed his bow and arro- never mind. He actually walked into the other room where Indiana was, and found him burning his toaster with his laser eyes. "What are you doing to my toaster?!" Steve shrieked in agony .

"The toaster burnt my toast so now i'm burning it!" Indiana replied with a maniacal gleam in his eyes. Steve could tell that Indiana was enjoying the misery he brought to Steve's one and only toaster. It was like Indiana got some sort of sick kick out of burning defenseless, innocent toasters.

"You could just cook the toast with your laser eyes," Steve deadpanned, always pointing out the obvious.

"But you just can't get the same taste with laser eyes," Indiana said as though talking to an idiot and then randomly changed the topic to the Hamburger because he was uncomfortable with the turn of events. "Sooooooooooooooooo," He began. "You know where the Holy Hamburger is?"

"Yes. It's excessively far away from here. It's in... Germany," Steve whispered as though Germany was a swear word.

"What's wrong with Germany?" Indiana questioned his now troubled friend.

"I have some bad memories of Germany," Steve began. "I was fighting this guy with repulsive eyebrows, and then out of the blue he rips off his face like it's something he does all the time as a neat party trick. He actually had an absolutely red, throbbing, nasty sunburned face under his other face. I swear I thought I was going to be sick. Oh ya, and my friend died in a train accident. I am also afraid of train now. I'm even terrified of the little kid's train at the park.

"Um..." Indiana tried to find the right words. "That was too much information, but I know how you feel about Germany. Wait, no, it wasn't Germany, it was Austria. That's where those German goons caught me and tried to make me find the Fountain O' Youth for them. But this is the good ol' twenty first century. Those goons are probably all dead by now, or at the very least considerably older. The only thing they could do to us now is talk us to death.

"Okay! You talked me into it! Let's get on a bus to Germany!" Steve ecstatically bellowed.

"Steve, you can't take a bus across the ocean," Indiana pointed out. "I guess we'll just have to take a TRAIN!"

"No!" Steve wailed in pain and misery. "I can't take a train!"

"We're going to have to if we want to get to Germany," Indiana retorted.

"Fine then. I'll go on a train if you buy me a cat to hold while on the train," Steve said evenly.

"Alright, I'll get you a cat," Indiana agreed, desperate to continue the quest. So Steve and Indiana traveled to Germany, stopped at a gift shop, bought a plush cat for Steve, traveled back to their point of origin and then traveled by train back to Germany. Once off the train, Steve led Indiana to a store named "Waffle Town".

"Follow me and be careful, Steve whispered to Indiana.

"What do you mean? It's just a store," Indiana shot back.

"This is a dangerous store," Steve whispered again, but more seriously.

"Ummm..." But Indiana was cut off by an employee before he could say any more.

"Welcome to Waffle Town, the only store that has everything you need for waffle eating and baking," the employee practically sang, way too cheerfully.

"Do you have anything to fry chickens with?" Steve asked the employee with a forced smile. "I love chicken with my waffles." Indiana stared at him for a moment, completely lost, but then caught on. The chicken must be code for something. The Employee led them to the back of the store and though a sturdy looking door They were then led into a vault - like room.

"This must be where the Holy Hamburger is," Indiana murmured to himself. Unfortunately, he was wrong. The whole room was just to hide the key to the box with the burger in it. Said key was located under a floor tile, and as Indiana plucked it off of the ground, he thought loudly about how stupid the whole setup was. The employee must not have liked what Indiana thought, because he moon walked out of the room and hit a big red button hidden in his hair. As soon as he did this, the floor in the vault fell away into a bottomless pit, and subsequently, Indiana and Steve.