The Window View

A New Start

Today's the day, I start college and Mathew started therapy.

I grab my text books and head out the door.
"I'll be back around 2, do you need anything before I come back.?" I looked at Mathew.
His eyes shifted towards me as he buttoned up is shirt.
"No, maybe you can go look at apartments though?"
I let out a sigh.
"I have a job interview later today then I'll stop by and look at some."
He nodded and then walked into the bathroom.

I closed the door and walked down the hall into the elevator.

"Mommy that girl looks just like that girl on the news!" A little girl whisper to her mom.
"Sh honey you can't say that." She said looking at me and smiling an apologetic smile.
I waved to the little girl and stepped into the elevator.

"Ok come on she was like 5, there's no way everyone is going to be like that." I thought.

The elevator beeped and the doors slid open. I got out and went to the desk.
"Hi um, I need to extend our stay." I said handing her my card.
"I'm sorry ma'am you can only stay a total of 2 weeks and today has been 2 weeks." She said.
"But I just need a few more days I'm going to an interview today and I don't have enough money for an apartment right now. If you could just extend our stay please." I begged.
She logged into her computer and looked at me "ok but you only have one more week."
"Thank you so much." I said handing her my card.

Before I dropped out of school for medical reasons, I never saw myself going back to school especially not after Stalin. But something about being captured made me realize I can't sit around and waist away I have to finish school, get a job, a nice house, and if it comes a family.

College never scared me until now but since everyone knows who I am it makes me more noticeable than ever.

People surround me and ask me question, or they assume stuff and never let me talk. They think I'm broken but I start to believe that I am after awhile.

But I can't let that get to me before I even get there. I nodded at the lady and went to my car. Just before I sat down I noticed a ticket on my windshield.
"Invalid parking". I read aloud.

"What the hell?" I thought. It's a parking stop its a normal spot to par.... I looked down to see the car parked in the handicapped.

"Shit" I muffled.

I grabbed the ticket and threw it into my floor board.

~~~~~~~~~

After I checked in and found my classes no one had talked to me yet. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as I thought. A smile spread across my face.

~~~~~~~~~

I didn't plan on looking at apartments today because I wanted to get Mathew to therapy quicker.

Therapy is something I've been to once and it was after my father died, I went one time and refused to go anymore. I know now things would be a lot different if I would have stayed.

When we got there the building was very quite and smelled of vanilla, it was comforting.

I checked us in and we sat waiting for our appointment.

I looked at Mathew.
"Are you ready?"
He stared off somewhere.
I shook my head and played through my phone until someone called us back.

"Hi I'm Malissa Smith" she shook both our hands.
"Hi I'm Taylor Hill and this is Mathew Rodriguez" I said looking at Mathew.
"Well I'm so glad you two have decided to come today" she smiled

"Let's begin, shall we?" She grabbed her notebook.
Mathew and I moved over and sat down on the couch.

"So I understand you have both been through a tremendous amount of hell this year, is that right?" She said without looking up from her notebook.

" um yes we have but I think the most harm was done to Mathew." I looked over at his clueless eyes.

"I see, well I just need to know what your both comfortable telling me." She finally looked up.

I've never heard Mathew talk as much as a few words everyday, but today it's like he couldn't stop the words from coming out. It's like he finally found someone he can trust to tell all his problems to.

"I..I feel guilty for everything." He stuttered.
"I feel like we could have avoided all of this if I would have just come down to see Taylor sooner. She wouldn't have been taken, she wouldn't have been hurt, and she wouldn't have been forced to live with Someone so cruel...she wouldn't have been raped.."

Water stung my eyes when this came out of his mouth, I didn't tell anyone about this because I didn't want to keep seeing it every time I explained it.

When the words came from Mathews mouth I could tell he immediately wanted to take them back, but there was nothing he could do now.

Mrs. Smith looked up from her notebook at looked at Mathew and then to me. She jot down a few notes and began talking for once. 

"Taylor, do you feel like it's Mathews fault or yours?"
"Mine"
"Well do you think you could have avoided this?"
"Yes"
"Good, now tell me what you felt when you were help captive."
"Pain, fear, anger."
"What did this person do to you?"
"Unimaginable things."
"If you don't mind me asking, what was this persons name?"
"Stalin"
"Is he imprisoned?"
"No"
"Where is he"
"He's dead"

Mrs.smith dropped her head to her hands and began sobbing.

I looked at Mathew and walked over to her.

"Um are...are you okay?"
She picked her head up, and anger spread through her face as she looked at Mathew.
"You killed my love" she whispered.

••••••••••••••••••
I know it's been a looooong time since I've written but school is a bitch.