‘Honey wake up’ I hear my mom yell. ‘Yeah mom’ I say. It was Friday last day of school finally. I sigh when I get out of bed I was happy it was Friday cause the exams would begin on Monday. I change and go downstairs to eat something but when I get there the fridge is as good as empty. ‘Moo-om there is nothing to eat’ I yell well actually there was no need of yelling cause she was standing only a meters away from me. ‘Sorry but your early so you can grab something at the bakery?’ she says smiling. ‘Ugh but..’ I sigh I look at my watch it’s only 6.30 am and school started at 7am so there was no need to worry. ‘Have a nice day sweetheart’ mom says while giving me a kiss. Like that’s gonna happen I say to myself. I already get nervous by only thinking about what they will say to me today. I have this test today and I’m really nervous so it makes everything even worse. I walk out of the house and start crying I don’t know why but maybe it’s because I’m scared, scared of they might do to me again or scared of what they’ll say to me I swipe away my tears when I get to the bakery. I pull my hair together and turn it into a messy bun. ‘a muffin please’ I hear the woman before me say. Ugh muffins they’re full of calories and fat. Since people call me fat I started thinking more about calories and fat. I mean before this I didn’t even knew what calories were. I don’t know what to eat so I just buy a sandwich. I walk out and I’m scared as I see the school. I don’t know what is going to happen when I walk in will they laugh at me or just call me fat again. I walk through the hallway towards the toilets. ‘Ugh watch where you’re going fat ass’ I hear someone say but for one time I don’t care all I want is to get this feeling out of my stomach I feel fat again I want to purge out the sandwich I ate. I start running when I reach the bathroom I see a girl crying in front of the mirror I want to ask her what’s wrong but I can’t take it anymore. I get inside the first toilet I see and fall on my knees. I start crying. I put my index finger inside of my mouth and bend over to vomit. I stop crying and flush the toilet. I swipe away the tears and get out of the toilet. I don’t see the girl anymore actually I was hoping that she’d still be here. I wanted to know why she was crying. Is she being bullied? Does she cut? Is she like me? I get out of the bathroom to find no one in the hallway. I think I did not heard the bell. I walk to classroom 102. But there is no one in class. ‘The hell?’ I say to myself. I suddenly feel someone tapping my shoulder. I immediately turn around to see Ali. I sigh ‘oh thank goodness you’re here, why is no one in class’ I ask. She doesn’t answer me but I can see tears filling her eyes. I hug her when she tries to explain something about a girl. ‘This girl... she... she is de-dead’ I can understand from what she is saying. But then I think about the word dead and my heart skips a beat. ‘Wh-what do you mean!’ I yell. Alison starts crying while she explains to me what happened. ‘This girl… Mary I think she is called she is dead… they found her on the playground she killed herself’ I hear Ali say. ‘What’ I say looking confused. My hearts skips a beat at the words “she killed herself” the words keep flying around in my head. I run to the playground to find a lot of people standing around a girl. A dead girl. The dead girl. The one crying in the bathroom I look at her and see she has a suicide note stuck on her hand . “I’m done with this”. I start getting visions of the girl standing in the toilets. I can feel a tear rolling down my cheek when I think about that I wanted to help this girl. I wanted to ask her what was wrong. But I was too busy purging out my sandwich. I could’ve saved this girl If it wasn’t for me maybe she wouldn’t be dead. I started crying heavily I was breathing to fast and I knew what was happening I was having a panic attack. Normally I only had these at home and this was the first time it happened at school. The playground was dizzy and people started looking at me confused. ‘What the hell is happening? ‘What is happening to her?’ ‘What is she doing?’ I hear people say and I kept breathing fast I came to the point where I was about to faint. I fell on my knees and the last thing I heard was a scream and someone saying ‘Oh my God’.  I wake up still lying on the playground with a lot of faces surrounding me. I think I’ve only been away for a few minutes because there wasn’t any teacher only students. I look beside me and I see the dead girl isn’t lying next to me anymore. I sit up and a bunch of questions were tossed at me: ‘What happened?’ ‘Where you dead?’ ‘Why did you faint?’ ‘Did you know her?’ ‘What the freaking hell is going on girl’ I hear people say. I stand up and say ‘It’s nothing I just had a panic attack’ they all keep asking questions but I feel like it’s the first time people are really interested in me. I feel someone grabbing me pulling me out of the crowd. ‘What the… oh it’s you’ I say when I see it’s Ali who saved me. ‘Let’s just go home’ she says looking sad. ‘It is going to be alright’ I tell her to calm down. I decided to stay at Ali’s house she keeps telling me she was the one to find the girl. She saw her lying dead on the playground. Alison was the one who had to find the body. ‘What about the test?’ she asks me. ‘I don’t know’ I say. ‘How are you?’ she suddenly asks. ‘I’m fine’ I lie. I don’t get why she suddenly asks me how I’m doing. ‘No I mean seriously I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re lying’ she says taking my hand. ‘Uh I’ve been better but I’m not at my worst’ I say. ‘When was the last time you cut?’ she says I don’t like talking about cutting so I’m keeping it shortly. ‘Yesterday’ I whisper. ‘Oh okay. Call me whenever you need me I’m there for you always’ she says I know that she is there for me but you can’t save me. I die or I survive. It is what it is. 

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