Chapter 42: Confronting Demons

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November 27th 2015


Right there. Right there, infront of me, sat a woman who I had seen only once in the last three years. A women I worshipped and loved with everything I had and a women who had broken my heart worse than anyone else ever had.That was the strength of a bond of a mother and son. That was the strength of a bond with the only person you thought loved you. She was my world and then she left.

That was the worst feeling ever. Waking up one morning to a note on your bedside table. I still have that note, I have it in my pocket as we speak. In a way it gives me comfort, I fumble with it in my pocket. I know the words off by heart now.

Noah, my dear. I'm so sorry I can't say this in person, but by the time you read this I'll be gone. I've left your father for that man I told you about. We are going to start a new life together and we'll get married once your father signs the divorce papers, I'm sure of it. He's a good guy- I know you'll like him and I love him. But I can't take you with us just yet. It would be easier to start a new without you. I promise I'll come for you once we have everything in place.

Remember, I'll always love you. Mom.

I waited for her to come for me. Every visitor at the door I thought was her. Anyone behind me on the street I could swear was her. However, when the days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months I gave up waiting, I gave up hoping. When dad said we were moving to Virginia I didn't stop to think whether mom could find me here. I had given up hope in her trying to find me.

Yet here she was, sitting there, holding the hand of the man; who would be my step-father and I felt sick. I felt sick to my stomach. For the first time ever I felt grateful to have my dad. Grateful that he would never leave me. He needed me as much as I needed him. In our twisted relationship at least I could always count on him- even if that meant spending the rest of my life in and out of consciousness.

Chad gave my shoulder a squeeze. For the first time I felt grateful for him. This was as bad for me as it was for him. His dad left him only to return with his new wife. He may not have the abusive father in the mix as well, but he knew my pain the closest to anyone.

"Jenna, you have something to say to me?" I speak once I finally build up the nerve to break the tension.

"Noah, please call me mom. I'm still your mom." She protests.

"No, you're not. You lost that right a long time ago." I stand my ground- it's the least I can do. I know it's petty but this way I can hurt a little like how she hurt me.

"Fine, well I wanted to say sorry."

"For what exactly?" I deadpan.

"You know, for leaving you." She murmurs into the floor, unable to hold eye contact with me.

"Which leaving me? Leaving me for dead a few months ago? Or leaving me all those years ago?" I shot back.

"Noah I am so sorry about that day. Chad pushed you and I was so scared."

"So instead of calling an ambulance you run? What sort of mother does that? I know for a fact if Kate hadn't found me I wouldn't be here today. The doctors say I'm lucky for being found when I did." I yell. She didn't love me, that much was clear. She could say all she wanted but her actions spoke louder than words. I could see her face clouded with guilt. I could see the anger rise on my stepfather's face. However, I was more concerned about Chad. Last time I walked out this time he was. Without excusing myself I follow him.

"You alright, mate?" I ask as I approach him. He stands, hands resting onto the countertop in the kitchen, head bowed.

"You didn't tell me I could have killed you." he whispers.

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