Niall,
I'm scared. You're supposed to leave next week and I don't know what I'm going to do with out you.
I don't want to give up our cuddle sessions/ movie marathons. I don't want to miss your stolen kisses or your back massages or your warm hugs. I don't want to forget the feeling of my head fitting perfectly into your neck, or the way your skin is so soft and smooth against mine.
You're my drug, Niall. You're the thing that's got me hooked and I'm scared to let you go.
Every time I look out my window, I can't help but to smile at the thoughts that creep into my mind about you sneaking into my room. When I see the stars, I don't want to miss the memories of us swimming in my pool after dark; both of us getting caught by my father in the middle of the night and having to act like we just fell in... With our bathing suits on.
When I pass your house driving home, I don't want to see an empty bedroom, or all your lights turned off.
I don't want to miss you, Niall. I don't want our adventures turning into simple memories. And I certainly don't want you to leave me.
... You're the only light that shines in my life anymore.
You stopped the pain. You stopped the bleeding. You've taken me out of my dark comfort zone, and you've opened my eyes... But what happens when that light dies and I'm left by myself again?
I can't afford college. I can't move out. My parents still have strings attached to my arms and legs. And my sister still beats me down as if I'm dirt. I'm nothing but a puppet, Niall. What am I supposed to do?
When you came over last week, you told me to let go. You told me to be somebody that the world needs. How do I do that? What does that mean?
The world has billions of others, I'm nothing important. It doesn't need me, I'm just making it worse. I'm digging holes in its crust and wrecking its turf.
I'm like a worm trying to be a bird. It's hopeless.
... But forgetting about me, I'm glad you're going. I'm glad you're putting yourself out there and taking your chances.
You're amazing at what you do and I can't wait to see you progress and get even better.
And going to school in England is a lifetime opportunity, Niall. Don't take it for granted. Please.
Love every second of every day and all I ask is that you're happy. Don't worry about me or your mam or your brother. Worry about you. Please just do that one thing for me. That's all I want.
Now come over and love me because I'm bored and could really use a long hug.
Xx ~ Ryan
10/6/15
