Entry Twenty Six

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Dearest Diary, it feels like the longest time has passed since I last wrote...

In reality, it has only been a few days. And what long days they have been.

After I exhausted the reservoir of my tears, I slept for the better part of each day since my return.

Never in my wildest dreams could I have predicted what took place at my family home. Being all but completely disowned by my father, cast out by my younger sister, who I helped raise.

I have emerged from my bed with eyes that are clearer, in every sense of the word.

Every time I woke up since my return, there has been new food, new water, new everything. I could only eat so much, I feel bad about how much food I wasted. No Geroux, just his presence was felt.

There is a small ray of hope.

Somewhere, out there in the world, my betrothed, Pierre and my eldest sister, Chantelle are still looking for me. People who still care for me. People who still love me. Family.

Geroux has wisely left me alone these last few days. I don't know what he could possibly say or do to make things better. I act as if it is his responsibility to make me feel better, but he is not my... well... anything.

Nor am I his anything.

I find myself in the oddest predicament. If Geroux had not kidnapped me, I would have still been at home, or possibly married to Pierre by now. When I went back to my family home though, I found myself unwelcome. Now my only place of respite is with that of the man who kidnapped me.

The universe can be rather cruel, can it not?

Internally, I feel so at odds. I wish to curse my father and younger sister, on the one hand, but champion Pierre and my older sister on the other - who are still on the lookout for me.

And then, of course, there is Geroux.

I will have to see Geroux again, sometime soon. Although, it no longer feels like the task it used to. Geroux was there for me, when Pierre could not be. For that, I do have to thank him.

All of this has to be contextualised by the fact that I was, in fact, kidnapped. But does it now count as kidnapping, since I asked to come back here of my own volition?

If I did not have the option of living in Geroux's house, I could very well have found myself as a street-dweller by now. Of course, there would be Pierre's residence, but while he did live in France, he lived quite a distance away from my home. Well, ex-home, now, that is...

And the distance it would take to get to Pierre's is not one I would willingly undertake on my own and the only other option would cost money to travel - money I did not possess.

I just feel so unsure about everything, including Pierre.

After all that has happened, the words of loyalty and love he would whisper in my ear, I cannot help but wonder - what is taking him so long?

Is his heart not drawn to mine with the kind of cosmic magnetism I have read about in such romance novels?

Pierre used to love reading romance books aloud to me. Our mutual, albeit secret, love of romance novels was one of the signs that we were meant to be together.

So, if we are meant to be together, why are we not actually together?

Ironically, Father and Henrietta know my location, so they could easily pass on the message to him, surely. Unless... unless they don't want him to find me?

No.

They have no reason to keep him from me.

I cannot entertain such devilish thoughts.

There is every possibility that he is between towns and is currently uncontactable.

The latest developments have shocked me to the core. My emotional state is somewhat compromised, so I shall not ponder the inner workings of my heart while in an uneven state.

I will say one thing, though, the trip to my family home was not entirely in vain.

I do have something that I did not have before.

Geroux's trust.

And this places me in an advantageous position.

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