Lust, War, and... Love?

Chapter 6: Sex Education Seminar

       Monday came, and Hermione suffered through her classes. She failed to hand in her homework for Ancient Runes and turned in an unfinished essay for her DADA class. Professor Snape glanced over her parchment the moment she gave it to him, and his dark stare drilled into her. At least he did not call her names, Hermione thought. She wouldn't be surprised to get a detention from Snape for her extremely sloppy work.

The Potions class was the worst. Ron teamed up with Harry and his illicit textbook, and the boys put a good distance between themselves and Hermione. Poor Ernie Macmillan had to tell Hermione to stay away from their cauldron because she kept confusing the ingredients and measurements. Zabini equally struggled with semi-conscious Malfoy over their cauldron, but he was far less fortunate than Ernie. While Hermione resorted to merely watching her partner work on their potion, Malfoy had a spat with Blaise and angrily dumped a too-large lump of crustaceous jelly in their brew. The result was that their potion foamed madly, spilled all over the table and burned holes in it. The incident distracted Professor Slughorn and everyone else enough for Hermione's abysmal performance to go unnoticed.

When the classes were over, Hermione dragged herself to the Gryffindor Tower in a hope for some rest and a break from the obsessively erotic dreams. To her great annoyance, Padma Patil, the Ravenclaw prefect, caught her in a corridor and handed her a parchment.

To All Hogwarts Prefects:

Each Female Prefect must inform all 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th year girls in her House that a girls only Sex Education Seminar is to take place today at 4:00PM.

Each Male Prefect must inform all 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th year boys in his House that a boys only Sex Education Seminar is to take place today at 4:00PM.

The 4th and 5th year girls shall report to the Arithmancy Classroom where Professor Sprout will conduct the Seminar for them.

The 6th and 7th year girls shall report to the Transfiguration Classroom, where Professor McGonagall will conduct the Seminar for them.

The 4th and 5th year boys shall report to the Charms Classroom, where Professor Flitwick will conduct the Seminar for them.

The 6th and 7th year boys shall report to the DADA Classroom, where Professor Snape will conduct the Seminar for them.

The attendance is compulsory for every student.

Minerva McGonagall,
Deputy Headmistress.

Hermione read and re-read the parchment while walking to the Gryffindor Common Room. The love potion abuse apparently had gone rampant at Hogwarts if they launched the seminar so urgently.

In her barely coherent state of mind, she had a very hard time deciding whether she ought to report on Malfoy or not. Whenever a lurid image drifted into her mind she burned to experience it with him in reality. When the amorous fantasies abated a little, she shivered at the prospect of spending most of the school year having sex with Malfoy in St. Mungo's and being the subject of the wildest gossips at Hogwarts. Hermione was certain she would never be able to face anyone at school after they cured her and Malfoy in the hospital in March.

Whispers and giggles fluttered around the Transfiguration classroom as the girls speculated what the famously strict teacher was going to tell them about sex. Hermione took a seat in the back row. If she accidentally drifted into sleep there, most students would not notice it.

Professor McGonagall entered the room, and everybody straightened up in her seat. After expounding on the dangers of unprotected sex and the benefits of abstinence, McGonagall moved on to contraceptive spells and anti-disease incantations. Hermione strained to focus on the teacher's words and to write down the most vital information.

"Is it possible to cast a contraceptive spell non-verbally?" Lavender Brown asked too brightly. Giggles spread in the classroom.

"Yes, the contraceptive and protective spells can be cast in both ways. However, since an unplanned pregnancy or nasty disease is too high a price to pay for a faulty non-verbal spell, you should do it verbally to be certain, and never be ashamed of it in presence of your partner. You must make it clear to him that you need to take care of your health and personal life," McGonagall said severely. The giggles died. "You should not be shy about it with your partner, if you weren't too shy about engaging in sex in the first place. Not that I advise engaging in sex - you are definitely better off by preserving your virginity!"

Too bad Malfoy didn't have a chance to listen to this before brewing his horrid potion, Hermione thought. Professor McGonagall's formidable tone was going to drive away any hint of sex from Hogwarts for years to come.

As the teacher talked on and on, Hermione sunk into a daze again.

"It came to our attention that various love potions have gained popularity at school this year. I must warn you all that even a seemingly benign concoction from the WWW shop can have dire consequences for you and your partner. Ever more dangerous is a mix of different love potions, since the effects can be very unpredictable. The effects could be as bad as irreversible mental injury, suicidal thoughts, violent acts committed out of jealousy, and even death!"

Hermione hadn't thought of a suicide yet, but after those words she started contemplating it.

" Now we'll discuss possible side effects of various love potions," McGonagall's eyes swept over the girls. "Who could name a potion to discuss?"

Heavy silence hung in the classroom. No one was coming forth with any ideas.

"What would you suggest, Miss Granger? I believe you came across quite a few potions in your expansive readings."

The question landed in Hermione's fogged-up conscience, and without really thinking it over she replied mechanically, "Heorte Lustbaere, Professor McGonagall?"

Everyone's head turned towards Hermione.

"Yes, it's an excellent example of a highly potent lust potion. Very potent and very dangerous." McGonagall gave Hermione a steady look. "What do we know about the remedies for it, Miss Granger?"

"There's only one antidote to it. It can be prepared only on a certain day of year..." Hermione's mind crawled out of the stupor and reeled from the shock at her own words. Hastily, she rushed to repair the situation. "Professor, I just browsed through some books at Flourish and Blotts when I shopped for school..."

"Excellent, Miss Granger. As you can see, there are certain potions that have virtually no antidote. Heorte Lustbaere imposes a strong mutual lust on a couple for an indefinite period of time. The remedy for it is extremely hard to prepare, and it can be made only on a certain day of the year. If the lust is not satisfied in a timely manner, the end result could be irreversible insanity or even suicide!"

Mortified, Hermione cursed her own lack of control and the wretched Malfoy who was way too good at Potions. It was clear she had to fix it with Draco before it became public knowledge.

As Hermione rushed to the Gryffindor Tower after the seminar, Padma Parvati and two more Ravenclaw girls caught up with her.

"Hermione, in what book did you find Heorte Lustbaere?" asked the Ravenclaw prefect.

"Is it very difficult to make?" inquired another girl.

"First, it's illegal. Second, I don't remember, so please leave me alone!" Hermione bolted up the stairs to the portrait hole. Her tempers were chronically short since Sunday.