None of my friends knew about Fred, not even my closest, Jo. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe I just never got round to it, maybe I didn't want to be laughed at or criticised. In the grand scheme of things, I guess it was so trivial. She'd had enough on her plate without worrying about my pathetic love life - or rather pathetic lack of it. Though I'm pretty sure she'd have understood; maybe I should have told her. Perhaps it would have made her realise why all my past relationships failed.
None of them compared to Fred.
Julian was my first long-term boyfriend. He was such a sweetheart. Very cuddly and loving, and he had always wanted to hold my hand when we were out in public. I went out with him when I was seventeen, for four months. Everything was going fine until we had sex. We were both virgins at the time - not that that had anything to do with it. It was awful and wonderful at the same time - he was so gentle and it could have been an amazing experience, if I hadn't made the stupid mistake of calling out Fred's name in the heat of the moment, that is.
I tried to pretend I'd said something else, but I couldn't think of anything that sounded remotely like it, at the time. Naturally, he was rather upset. So much so that he never spoke to me again. I heard from a friend of a friend that he'd been heartbroken. As far as I know, he never did tell anyone what caused us to break up. He must have felt totally humiliated. I would have done too.
He's since settled down with a sweet girl who was in our class at school. I've seen them together in the street, but I usually turn away and cross the road quickly. I'd rather spare him the embarrassment of having to speak to me.
I didn't date anyone for a couple of years after that. It was probably because of the humiliation - and fear that I would give a repeat performance when things got hot and sweaty.
Throughout my early twenties I had loads of flings - some of the guys were absolutely gorgeous and real sweethearts - but because Fred was always in the back of my mind, I knew I couldn't lead them on. One of them even proposed. It was awful, because I hadn't realised he was that serious. Understandably, he was very upset and very confused when I told him that wasn't what I wanted. I ended our relationship the same night.
Last December, on my twenty-eighth birthday, I met a guy who was tall and slim, with jet-black hair and piercing deep blue eyes. I almost wet my pants when I first laid eyes on him.
It was in a club in Lincoln. A few friends and I were staying in the area (I'm sure you can imagine why I chose Lincoln - it being relatively close to Skegness and all) to celebrate my birthday. I glanced across the room and towards the door, when this gorgeous guy walked in. He was wearing a crisp, white long sleeved T-shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. His wavy, shoulder-length black hair made his blue eyes stand out like sapphires on a bed of lush black velvet. He was with a couple of friends who were pretty cute too, but not my type.
I could barely take my eyes off him. As he walked up to the bar to get a drink, he turned, gazing around the room until he spotted me. I swear he looked me right in the eyes. It was intense. Ignoring my pals nattering away at our table, I was so completely and utterly mesmerised that I stood up and shook my long dark hair. I was so pleased I'd made an effort that night, wearing my favourite short blue dress. I have to admit, I felt pretty good.
Walking towards the bar, with my hips swaying from side to side, I looked at him and licked my bottom lip. I could tell he was impressed by what he saw. He looked me up and down and, quite indiscreetly, licked his lips too. I had never felt sexual chemistry like it.
I wasn't exactly sure what I had planned to do, or say, but as I approached him, he moved away from the bar and gently placed his hand on the base of my back and gently guided me towards the dance floor.
YOU ARE READING
Kate Robinson has spent the past two decades yearning to find her soul mate, the boy she found and then lost during a family holiday. Shortly after her twenty-eighth birthday, however, she inherits a fortune from an old family friend and becomes som...