copyright 2017 Chris Smith All rights reserved.
"I want you to touch my soul with your art."
It was the same routine. Wake up and start over.
The day's sole purpose: SAVE MOM.
It was the most important thing on our minds. Well, Dad and I. Mom was oblivious about it all. Other than she got tired of us fussing with her.
If she had her way she'd stay in bed until the day she died. We'd have to scrape her body off the sheets. But we pushed. We pushed and prodded and we believed because that's what you do when you truly love someone.
They always make the "miracle" stories sound so miraculous.
The truth is the foundation for miracles are built in the mundane every day bullshit. If we're going to get down to the core of it, mostly it doesn't feel like you're making any progress at all because it's moving so slow. Most days you wake up and you question what the fuck you're even doing. Most days you feel like you're falling short and it's only stupidity or sheer dumb luck that keeps you pushing forward. Most days, all those miracles feel like failures because you're on the edge and the only thing each day brings is one step closer to jumping off it.
The miracle is continuing to believe when there's no reason and no sign that change is even happening, that it's even on the horizon in any form. Sure, you say you believe. You sound "believable" if anyone asks you, "How's it going?"
You don't want to accept the shame or reality of feeling like you have no fucking clue what you're doing or if you're going anywhere different than where you were the day before. That's the truth of faith. The truth is you doubt yourself, sometimes every step of the motherfucking way.
Change doesn't come easy. Change doesn't come without doubt and failure and falling down flat on your ass. We'd been through enough of it to at least know that. But Dad and I had never been through anything close to this. The journey we were on, would test us to the very core of our souls.
CARING BRIDGE UPDATE
Days Juicing: 4
I'm getting pretty good, coming up with these juice recipes. It's kind of fun
We've noticed some small improvements in Mom. Her skin has a little more "pink" in it. She's been great drinking the juice, which we're very happy about.
Last night, she ate two bites of dinner (first time in a long long time). It's encouraging. But by no means, is everything going to be fixed in a day. Our Family Doc, the chiropractor, said this could go on for years.
He's preparing us. And he's most worried about my Dad. He said my Dad needs to survive this. Because he's said Mom could survive, and my Dad could end up being the one who drops dead, from the stress of having to deal with all this (given his age). Our Dr. said it's very important Dad find ways to "get away" and "have fun". And of course, this goes for me too.
Dad and I are working at the office today, and we're literally having trouble coming up with ways to have fun. We've forgotten how. We don't think we deserve to have fun, so we've made it a low priority. That's a lie. It's NOT a priority at all.
We've been so busy in "SURVIVAL" mode, that all we've known for years is work and work, and home. Mom too. Mom's not having fun either. Not good at all, for any of us.
Days Juicing: 5
Ingredients: (all organic) apples, carrots, kale
Any juice with "greens" in it must be drunk right away. It cannot be kept because it starts to immediately loose it's nutrients (from Gerson Therapy documentary).
Love Bite - From Mom
Days Juicing: 5
We had a bit of an issue in the bathroom. Getting her into the shower.
Mom was upset...and she bit me. First time she's bit me. Didn't break the skin, which is nice. As she very well could have.
She doesn't know how to deal with her emotions when she gets upset. Somewhat similar, possibly to a child. And so she does the only thing she can do, in her mind, lash out physically.
This is not anything new to my Dad and I. We've been dealing with it for months.
Juice Day 4
4 leaves kale
YOU ARE READING
A HARD RUN INTO HELL Book 4 (EDITING) is the juice worth the squeeze seriesNon-Fiction
I was standing in Hell, burning. I looked over to see my Dad, standing right next to me. He was burning too. We had brought my Mom home from the hospital and care facility, after being diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer and decided not to do chemo, ag...