Our conversations were not conversations normal people had for he had a different way of seeing things, one that was not the same as mine.
"I am not you." , I love that he was who he was and despite the fact that I was still reading him till now made it more beautiful again for there is so much more to him than what he believes.
He asked me if I would regret this, I cannot regret him, his words, his love, his jokes, his smiles, his annoying smirks, his eyes, his hair that I love messing, his hugs or even his feelings.
He repeatedly said that he was a monster and that he wished me no harm for he does not wish to hurt me. Do tell what kind of monster wish you no harm and warns you of some upcoming tragedy? A monster who cares.
He has this unflinching ability to drive me crazy in all sorts of things; whether it was something he said about me or on us or on other things, 'some things are better left unsaid'.
In the morning when I would come to school very early, I would day dream about him. I loved silence when I was on my own, it allowed me to think. I would day dream about how, despite being a few days, he made me feel when he would look at me.
I would usually be upstairs when he would be marching in the school yard and I would watch him, he is the most beautiful soul my soul has ever had the honor to feel and he was not aware.
I could compare how I felt when I was with him with reading a book that I could not put down once I started reading. He was not just addictive but he made me feel as if I was alive. For once, I felt like I have met my great purpose. Does it frighten me? It does.
I am afraid, terrified of love. But then again, once I am in his warmth, everything inside me calms down.
This feeling of not being enough or worth of me he has been feeling were proved to be wrong and invalid when his lips landed on mine. We were supposed to be rehearsing for the sketch we were playing for our Prize Giving Ceremony and it was recess. While everyone took their break, some of us stayed behind in our homeroom. He and I talked our minds out, I would kiss him on the cheeks, poke him and even play-fight with him. But then just after the bell rang, he cupped my cheeks and planted a kiss on my lips and in that moment, believe me, my soul leaped to touch his.
And on that same day after the first kiss, we kissed again. "We shouldn't do this.", we were not official, I had not proposed yet and neither had he but we kissed again and again.
When something felt so good and so right, how is it possible of a human to just not do that thing again and again? I was in the right state of mind. I could not and I would not let him go.
But then I proposed, not once. But all this while, he had answered and I had not fully admitted that he answered.
"Hey, I got something to tell you.
It's a little bit of how much I love you.
So would you , please, just lisen?
Hey, I know it has been just a few days
But, whenever I see your face
Everything seems possible.
Love, you make it beautiful when I live it with you.
Life, you make it enjoyable when I share it with you.
And I might just go down on one knee
Pray to you, just how much you mean to me.
And if, this might just turn out right.
I hope I make you mine before midnight."
My love for him only grew and all he did was feed it more. He was not a lost boy, just one that wished of home. And I was not Cinderella, I had not lost my shoe, the only thing I wanted was to marry the narrator.
"With this hand, I will lift your sorrows.
Your cup will never be empty for I will always be your coffee.
With my heart, yours will not have to walk alone in the light and as well as in darkness.
With this, I stand, in all of my naked glory exposing to you how I feel.
Asking then, would you be mine?"
He is someone who I have seen my soul yearn for even when I stayed in the shadows of my feelings before I confessed that I liked him. I do not wish to regret him, he is not a mistake. He is my choice. I will cherish him, love him, adore him and be with him whether it is through the heaviest and darkest storms or brightest and heat acabling days.
I would also grab him by his collar and kiss him on our way to New Orleans but that is a different story; one that maybe he will not be aware of the when it will be put to work but one that he will love.
There is nothing I wish for in this world but to show him how magical every part of life, love and family could be.