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I was an addict for a few years. It was horrible. At the time, I didn't know it. It woke me up when I was feeling slowed down. Gave me what I thought was energy. I would only do it once a day, then when I had more money I would find myself buying it a lot more. Doing it 4-6 times a day. Even right before I went to bed. I was out of controle.... 

My body was starting to rejecting it.So after years of destroying my insides, one self intervention, and loads of waisted money, I forced myself to quit. It lasted for a while. After two weeks the jitters and jumpyness finally went away. The headaches were dissipating. Things taisted different. My breath smelled nicer. My wallet a little fatter. I was kinda proud of myself. Till recent ... 

I was asked to pick some up for a friend one day. As I sat there thinking about how I thought it used to make me feel so awake I started to miss it. I thought, "ill get some. Just once. Ill never do it again. Just once more." And just like that, I relapsed. I couldn't undo what I did. Falling back into the same bad habbits as before. Disappointed in myself. Scrounging around to find any bit of cash and change I could to pay for a fix. Disappointed again...

I'm trying to convince myself again. To quit. I can say ill quit, but in the moment its another story. I pretend like I'm fine when I'm not. Ill smirk at that voice in my head telling me to just drive away. The smarter side of me hates it. The other side could care less because it isn't that big a deal. A rebellion against myself. I'm letting it win.


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