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I for Irregular

Did I mention I'm paranoid sometimes? Those plushies I used to love seems to stare at me.

I wonder if that's since I don't play with them anymore and now they're plotting revenge.

Yeah. I like to look around, take in my surroundings. Whenever I'm in the bathroom, I avoid the mirror.

Does anyone else think Mirrors are scary? Not the mirror itself... Just the reflection. No I'm not scared of my reflection.... It's rather what's in it.

I mean... I don't like staring into the mirror. I feel like something will jump out or appear behind me.

I push aside shower curtains too. I don't really think there's something there.. It's a habit. I want my closet close everyday-who knows what lurks in there (besides clothes)

This book is easy since I'm just writing random stuff instead of thinking. Oh I will not be replying to comments but I will see then. I read every single comment on my books.

I wonder what is Life. Is God real? What truly happens when we die? Do we go Heaven... Get reincarnated? Or perhaps we just rot in the ground?

What is our purpose in life?

I'm not ready to die yet. I'm afraid that time has not yet to come. When it does, will anybody remember me? Most likely not since our family and friends would die and the next generation would slowly forget about us.

My family had already forgot my passed grandparents. I love them, they were the ones that I treat as my parents. I hug them. When I'm upset I go to them. Not my parents. Now I don't even talk much to my parents.

My memory is slowly going away, taking my grandparents with them. I was once an outdoor loving person until they died (esp my Grandpa)... I go to the park on a daily basis with him when I'm little.

So we were all happy, enjoying this hot pot on a holiday. My cousins are there and all that. I was eating and one of my cousin's phone rang. He answered it.

His smile faded and then said "ok.." And look at my mom.

My mom said what is it in chinese.

I'm Chinese and I couldn't understand Cantonese much but I knew what my cousin said.

Grandpa died.

I was like 8? 10? I took all this in slowly. After I finished eating I went to my room and cried. I knew enough that when someone dies-they're gone in your life expect the bits and pieces of memories and things they left behind.

Horrible right? Someday that will happen to me.

I'm too scared for my own death.

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