You Smile Brighter Than You Should (Kellic) Boyxboy

Chapter 22

"Okay." I squeak out trying to push back tears but they just spill over my cheeks, though Vic doesn't notice, he's gone back to watching the movie.

But Mike's looking at me, a look of sympathy on his face. I just turn around and storm off back upstairs. I go into Vic's room find my bag. I dig through it and find what I need before rushing into the bathroom. I situate myself on the floor and don't think as I bring the metal blade to my arm before making a cut. I make another and another, not really giving a shit anymore. It's not like Vic cares or anything. Heck, I don't even think he'd be upset if I just killed myself.

Soon enough my arm is covered in cuts, dripping blood all over myself and all over the floor. I feel so indifferent about the fact that I just shredded up my arm; something that I haven't done in a long time. It's like nothing matters to me anymore. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand before just sitting there, watching the blood seep out of the cuts.

Suddenly there's a knock on the door making my heart leap to my throat.

"Kells, are you okay?" I hear Vic asks.

"Why would you care?" I huff.

There's a small silence before Vic sighs.

"Of course I care. Can I come in?" He asks then I start to panic.

"N-no." I stutter out.

"Why not?" Vic asks sounding confused.

"B-because." I stutter again, not being about to come up with a reasonable excuse.

"Kells, I'm coming in." Vic says sounding suspicious and before I can protest or stop him, he opens the door.

As his eyes land on my arm, they fill with a mixture of panic, shame and regret. He drops down beside me and I look away in shame. He wraps his arms around me trying to pull me into him but I push him away.

"No, you don't get to touch me right now!" I growl and he looks hurt.

"This is my fault isn't it?" He asks softly.

I don't answer him and he rests his hand on my leg.

"I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm so sorry." He apologizes and I sigh letting a few tears fall from my eyes.

"You don't even love me anymore." I whisper looking down at my arm that is covered in blood.

"Of course I do Kells. I love you so fucking much." He says squeezing my leg.

"Are you sure? Because you have a funny way of showing it! Half the time it's like I don't exist." I snap and regret flashes across Vic's eyes again.

"I'm so sorry Kellin. I've been preoccupied with Mike and that's no excuse, but I'm so, so fucking sorry. I'll do better now. I love you so much." Vic says seeming sincere.

He cautiously wraps his arms around me and I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder. I start to feel regret as I look down at my arm. I shouldn't have cut. I'm so stupid.

"I'm sorry for cutting. I wasn't thinking." I apologize feeling ashamed.

"No, don't apologize. I'm sorry for upsetting you to the point where you wanted to hurt yourself." Vic murmurs. "I wasn't thinking about how you felt. And I should've because you're so important to me. I made you feel unappreciated and unloved. I'm going to make it up to you, I promise."

I nod and Vic kisses my forehead.

"Let's get these cleaned up, yeah?" Vic says and I nod standing up with Vic.

He picks me up and sits me down on the counter. He finds a washcloth and runs it under water before he gently grabs my arm then wipes it down with the washcloth. He then finds some alcohol wipes and cleans my cuts. It stings and Vic apologizes multiple times but honestly, I deserve it. I shouldn't have cut. Vic finishes by wrapping my arm up with a bandage before he pulls me into a tight hug.

"Please tell me if I upset you again. Please don't go back to doing this. If you ever feel like doing this, just come and talk to me, okay?" He says and I nod.

He pulls me into a kiss and I kiss him back wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" He asks pulling away and I nod smiling. It's been a while since we actually sat down and spent some time together.

Vic picks me up bridal-style and I rest my head in the crook of his neck. He carries me out of the room and downstairs back into the living room. Mike looks up when we come in and he smiles at me. I return it but he frowns when he sees my arm. I ignore the look, already feeling ashamed enough for cutting. Vic sits us down, still holding me and we begin watching the movie that's already playing, which is Harry Potter. Though after a while none of us are paying attention. Vic just kisses me every few minutes then he tells me he loves me. I think he feels bad for not paying attention to me and now he just wants to make me feel okay. I feel bad for making him feel bad. I hope our relationship can go back to normal now. I don't mind that he spends time with Mike, but I just want him to spend time with me as well.

"Wasn't there something you wanted to talk to me about?" Vic asks softly and the lump rises in my throat again. This time it's bigger and it's preventing me from talking.

"It doesn't matter." I manage to squeak out and he nods.

He gently kisses my lips but all I can taste is guilt. God, he's going to hate me when he finds out.

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