Closed Doors

Chapter 7:On & On

(Kebba's POV)

As the heat starts to go to an end and the cold starts taking over at night. I've been shivering my butt off because of the thin blankets. I don't know how Nagashi can sleep such cold nights with him spread all over the bed like a starfish. I haven't quite got my room yet because he's been to lazy to go buy a new mattress to put in the guest room. "My room" for now. I've been sleeping in his bed with him because it was that cold. However that doesn't work because he pushes me off the bed and onto the cold floor.

Why not just get carpet?

I sigh as I get up from that cold floor and take my stuff down into the living room. The wooden floor creaking as I walk to the couch. I sit up on the one person chair and lean it back. I curl up into the orangey and peachy leather couch. It was a bit cold at first but, later heated it with my own and begin to fall asleep . . .

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DreamLand
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"Kebba, wake up!" I hear a soft voice call out as I can feel my world shake.

I open my eyes to see myself lock eyes to another. Roxana sat there on my bed as she smiled. She shook me until I gave a reply.

"Kebba!" I hear her sweet voice repeat in my head.

Her smiles and her laughs. However, this all happened before. Two years ago when we went out to a family amusement park. The only time when she would be this happy to hang out as a family. The only time when she would smile this brightly.

I can remember her just standing up and walking away fadedly. She disappeared once she's gone out to her room. So I got up and before I knew it. Everything went upside down. My room starts to swivel from side to side into the amusement park.

I was sitting there on the bench waiting for something. I can see my mom with Roxana and my dad eating a vanilla ice cream right next to me. I turn to look at him and he was looking at mom. He didn't look back at me. We never lock eyes or he never really takes a glance at me.

But then finally he looks. He looks into my eyes and say-

"Why did you have to look like her? You have an eye catching look, but please don't have her nonsense of a personality." He says and walks up to Roxana and mother.

Why does everyone say that. First my dad that doesn't talk much, and now the whole world has to point that out. It's not like I asked to look like my mom. It's not like I asked to ever be born from her.

I close my eyes and everything was black. And even when I opened them it made no difference. And I stood there in the dark waiting . . waiting once again to see what happens next.

There stood my mother. The person I wanted to see the least. The one I wanted to disappear.

However, she was holding something closely in her arms. Laying on the hospital bed with my father beside her. Standing in a hospital room. A smile slipped across her face as she was singing. A song that I couldn't get out of my head even if I tried. Her humming, filling the room. But she wasn't bad she sounded . . . Beautiful. For the first time it was something for me to fall asleep. How much I missed my old mom.

How painful it was to see this . . .

I walk to her side and can see myself. The baby she was holding, the one she was loving was me. When she had me she would say "I was the happiest mother alive to have a boy like you". But now, she wishes for me to leave. Never be born. That all started when she had Roxana, and my father would just take care of me. I don't see why he didn't leave a monster like her already?

It was to the point where tears started to run down her face. She wasn't a bad mom but why me? Why did she start to hate me? Why didn't she just hate someone else but me?

But she didn't.

I close my eyes once again and open them once more. Roxana standing there in front of me. Her smile so bright it filled the room. Blossoms of a cherry tree and winds from high mountains. But this wasn't real. This never happened and will never happen. She disappeared from me completely.

"I believe you."

And with hearing those words I run to her. I hug her so tightly to the point where she turned to dust.

I grab my hair and I shake my head. I scream and shake from those words and just let out tears. I couldn't bare this guilt. Why not just die now and see what's on the other side. I can just dream for the rest of my life and image such a picture perfect family. My mother never hating me. My sister never dying. My father never suffering.

But I can't. Whatever that is, will never come true. All because of my mom . . .

I open my eyes with my vision so blurry. Geography shapes of bright blue triangles where surrounding me. Us.

I can see Roxana there standing and staring. Smiling and crying. Her hand is extended to me but was to far to reach. I wish she was never gone in the first place.

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DreamEnd
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"Kebba, kebba?" I hear a soft voice call.

I open my eyes to Mr. Nagashi with a smile of relief. He pulls me up and hold me so tightly. Nothing was going to let him go from me. So I bury my face into his shoulder and hug him with fear.

He pulls away.

"Nagashi I don't think I can continue this." he pulls the blanket over my shoulders and advice me to stop crying.

"Why do you shake in your sleep?" he says with a voice of worry.

"Because I'm scared."

"of what?"

"Myself . . ."

I look down into the palms of my hands. I haven't done anything harmful. However leaving me in my own thoughts is enough to kill me deeply.

I look up to Nagashi and he looks like he's about to cry. His eyes turning red and his smile to a frown. Hearing those words seemed to trouble him. So he grabs my hands and holds them tightly.

"My son thought the same and he ended up running away and never solving them. Right now, the only way to solve this is to save yourself before you can save anyone else." He says with a proud smile.

He shakes my hand and nods his head. I nod mine back and smile from his nice gesture. We sat there for a little bit in silence until he speaks.

"Well, let's go eat." He gets up and walks over to the kitchen.

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[End]
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