Dynasty Decapitated

The Kids Are, The Kids are Blowing Up The Castles

Michael's honestly minding his own business. He is, he's just sitting on the roof of some bar downtown, swinging his feet over the edge with his Nintendo DS in his hands, when suddenly a bullet comes out of nowhere and fucking rips the entire top screen off. His shoulders slump at the now exposed wires and the half of the shattered device that goes plummeting two stories down, where it shatters even more against the sidewalk.

“Oh, come on!” he yells, setting the other half aside and standing up abruptly on the edge of the building. “My Mudkip-” he's cut off by a second bullet zipping through the air and stabbing through his chest. It stings a bit, enough to be noticeable, but not enough to actually hurt. Like a bee sting. He glances down at the hole now ripped in his suit and huffs dramatically. “Really? I have to make a new suit every fucking time this happens, you know that, right? Or Luke has to mend this one and he hates-”

He's cut off again by a shout as three men in black clothing, wielding large guns, drop out of the fourth story of the building next to his bar and fling themselves onto his roof. Michael raises his eyebrows under the suit as they all land. “Black clothes? Big guns? Oh, look at us, we're bad guys! You can tell by how we're still stuck in our emo phase! Did you guys have your moms drive you down here?”

The middle of the three shoots again, hitting Michael in the bicep.

“Ow,” he says flippantly. Luke's going to be so pissed when he sees all these holes. “If your mom did drive you, I'd like to see her again! I know I never called, but I'll apologize with my impeccable charm and-” he shoots again, misses completely, and Michael sighs heavily. “Stop shooting at me! If you didn't want to make small talk you should have just said so!”

He can hear the three of them muttering as they slowly edge closer, crouched down and shuffling forward almost soundlessly. Michael resists the urge to roll his eyes and just rubs his forehead, sighing heavily. “Surrender!” The man in the front yells, aiming the gun directly at Michael's head. “Surrender now and we will not have to kill you!”

“Kill-” Michael cuts himself off this time and sighs. “You know what, you guys are clearly unprepared and uninformed, so I'll let you off easy. I mean, you have to die, but I'll do it quick so you don't suffer. Wow, I'm a nice guy, you know what,” he unfolds his arms and claps, nodding along when the three merely look at each other. “Good for me. I'm not terrible, good Deadpool.”

The man in the middle looks ready to respond, so Michael jumps up and forward, spinning through the air while a swarm of bullets rain down on him, just because it'll look cool to anyone passing. Michael's very proud of his gymnastic abilities. He feels the small stinging sensation of bullets entering him all over his body, but it's honestly just routine at this point. He barely even feels it.

He lands in front of the middle man and grabs the barrel of his gun, jerking it up sharply so he falls back. After a small struggle, Michael manages to rip the weapon away and shoot him in the head. A quick glance between the other two confirms that they're still shooting at him, so Michael simply walks between them and watches as they shoot each other.

“Classic move,” Michael nods to himself. “All bad guys are stupid enough to shoot each other, happens in every movie.” After dropping the gun, Michael mopes back over to his deceased Nintendo with a devastated look on his face, not that anyone sees it. Not because of the mask, he's just on a roof. Also the mask.

Michael crouches over half his murdered Nintendo and holds his fist over his heart, furiously blinking back tears. “You- you were a good companion. Always there through thick and thin, good times and bad times. You will always be remembered at your happiest, when I was using you to play Pokémon Sapphire. May you rest in peace, my dear friend. May you rest in peace.”