Chapter 22

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When I wake up in the morning, Vic's no longer next to me. I sit up and look around the room but he's nowhere to be seen. I wonder where he went. I let out a tired yawn and look at the alarm clock. It's only early so Vic wouldn't have gone to school yet. I rub my cold, bare arms, feeling the morning freshness getting to me.

I smile lightly as memories of last night come back to me. I can't believe that happened. And I can't believe that he actually loves me. I'm so lucky to have him.

Suddenly the bedroom door opens and I look to see Vic holding two mugs in his hands. He gives me a small smile as I pull the duvet around me, just wanting to get warm.

"Good morning baby boy." He murmurs sitting on the edge of the bed and passing me a mug.

I notice that it'll filled with hot chocolate and that there's marshmallows floating on the top.

"Good morning." I reply pecking his lips before taking a sip out of my drink.

He wraps his arm around my middle and I lean my head on his shoulder.

"How're you feeling?" He's asks softly as his fingers run up and down my bare back.

"Good, really good." I murmur with a small smile.

"Yeah? That's good." He murmurs before nuzzling his face in my hair.

I take another gulp of my drink, enjoying the presence of my boyfriend.

"I'm going to miss you today." He sighs and my chest tightens.

"I'm going to miss you too." I reply with a small smile.

"I honestly can't wait until you're up on your feet again and you can come to school with me so you can help me with my trigonometry work." Vic murmurs with a low chuckle.

"I don't want to go back." I whisper. "Everyone's going to look at me differently."

I can't stand the thought of going back and seeing everyone again. I've seen what they all think of me. To 90% of them, I'm the disgusting fat kid and to the other 10% I'm the weird kid who starves himself. I don't think I could handle their comments and their judgements. They all know now. They know the real me. I've always been cautious of what I let people know about me. Before I started dating Vic, barely anyone knew about my sexuality. Then when I started dating Vic, it didn't faze me. I wasn't afraid to kiss him in the halls or hold hands with him in the cafeteria. That was a part of me that I didn't mind people seeing. But now it feels like everyone knows everything about me. Like I'm all out in the open for people to judge, and there's a lot to judge. They all know my dirty little secrets. Everyone can use it against me. I don't like feeling so vulnerable.

"I know you don't Kells but you have to eventually. Things are going to scary and overwhelming for a little while but in the end, everything's going to be okay. We'll get through this together." He whispers and I nod believing him. It's going to be difficult but we'll make it through.

"You better go or you're going to be late." I point out and Vic looks at the time before cursing under his breath.

"But I haven't made you breakfast yet." He says with a frown.

"I want to sleep for a little bit longer anyway." I shrug truthfully. I had stayed up late thinking about how much I love the beautiful human being who was lying next to me.

"How about I ask Mama or Papa to bring you up lunch?" He suggests coming up with the idea.

"That sounds fine." I smile and he nods before pressing his lips against mine.

"I'll see you later." He murmurs and I nod.

"I love you." I grin.

"I love you too." He replies before getting up and leaving but not before he blows me one last kiss on the way out.

----

I sit on Vic's bed intensely reading 'Goodbye ED, Hello Me' by Jenni Schaefer. Mom's idea obviously. She also bought me '101 Tips for Recovering from Eating Disorders' by Amy Barth but I haven't gotten around to reading that yet. Sometimes when I'm reading I feel like they're talking a heap of bullshit. Then other times they're inspiring. I go through a lot of motions in where I stand with this entire thing. Sometimes I just want to get better for everyone around me then other times I refuse to believe that I have a problem.

It's all very confusing though; I can't imagine what all this is like for Vic. It must be difficult for him. As far as I know, he's never dealt with an anorexic person before and he honestly shouldn't have to. I'm such a burden on him. He's a teenager. He should be out partying with his friends every night; not sitting in here trying to coax me to eat. I'm the worst boyfriend ever. Why did he have to fall for me? He should have fallen for someone better; someone skinnier and better looking. I feel like I'm sucking the life out of him and I hate it so much.

There's a knock on the door so I call for whoever it is to come in. The door opens and Mr. Fuentes walks in holding a plate of sandwiches.

"Are sandwiches good? I was going to go for a drive and get you something else but the car won't start." He asks and I nod with a small smile. He sits the plate in my lap and I look down at them dreadfully but just decide to take my mind off of them.

"What's wrong with the car?" I ask interested picking up a sandwich then I start eating.

"I'm not sure." He says scratching the back of his neck.

"I could take a look at it." I chirp happily after I swallow my food, cringing internally.

"Yeah? Are you sure?" He asks and I nod.

"Yeah, I need to stretch my legs anyway and I need to earn my keep somehow." I shrug and he nods.

"Alright, finishing eating, I'll be down in the garage when you're ready." He smiles before leaving.

I smile feeling a little spark of happiness. He doesn't hate me like I thought he would. In fact, it feels like he's warmed up to me more since I got here.

It takes me a while to finish eating and when I do, I feel horrible. I wish Vic was here to make me feel better. I sit the plate aside and get out of bed before leaving the room. I look down to the bathroom, trying to decide whether I should purge or not. No doubt I'd get away with it. I sigh softly and start heading downstairs. Vic would be so disappointed in me if I did it. And even if he would never know, I would. I leave the house and walk to the garage where Mr. Fuentes is with the toolbox next to the car. He has the hood already up so I walk over to it and decide to get to work.

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