Day 1795 : Magnetized

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Magnetized
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Matapos kong basahin ang text message ni Kuya ay nagmamadali akong bumaba mula sa third floor ng apartment building. Nakita ko ang itim na kotse niyang nakaparada sa harapan. Usually, kapag sinabi kong hihiramin ko ang kotse niya, nagda-drive muna siya sa condo niya bago niya ibigay sa 'kin ang kotse.

Mabilis akong sumakay sa passenger seat. Magpapa-drive na lang siguro ako hanggang DENR bago siya umuwi. Kapag tapos na ang meeting ko, kahit na mag-taxi na lang uli ako.

"Bilisan mo, Kuya. Hatid mo muna ako sa DENR tapos..." 

"Seatbelt, please."

Nanghina ang boses ko bago ako tuluyang mapatigil sa pagsasalita. 

That voice.

Bago pa man ako tuluyang lumingon sa gawi ng manibela ay nahigit ko na ang hininga ko. Bakit nandito si...

Bumaling sa 'kin si Ash. Agad na nagtagpo ang mata naming dalawa. At may kung anong kidlat ang gumuhit sa pagkatao ko. I was struck by a lot of bottled-up emotions - I was angry, I was happy, I was sad, I was frustrated, I was in pain, I was in... No. 

The more I stared at him, the more I couldn't find the will to move. Hindi ko rin mabawi ang paningin ko. Para bang hangga't hindi niya iniaalis ang mata niya sa akin, hindi ko rin magagawang bawiin ang mata ko sa kanya. 

He matured in a frustrating kind of way. He was strikingly good-looking back then. Why does he have to look like a demigod now?

"Let me," sabi niya habang nakatitig kami sa isa't isa.

I watched him moved closer to me. Dumukwang siya at inabot ang seatbelt na nasa kanan ko, hinila at pinagdugtong. 

He was so near me that I could smell his aftershave. I could feel his body heat in that white long-sleeve. The tension was building up in my stomach. I imagined a lot of things to do but none of those were part of my plan to get even. This is the exact definition of 'not thinking straight'. Straight thinking would make me jump out of the car. This kind of thinking was telling me...

Gosh. Gusto kong bumaba ng kotse. Hindi lang ako makagalaw. I shouldn't be in the same small space with him.

"Sa main office tayo?" tanong niya sa 'kin na pinihit na ang susi sa ignition.

Nakalingon pa rin ako sa kanya, pinapanood siya. He was here. He was here talking to me, holding the wheels... casually. Like he always do.

Like always..?

Napakurap ako. Kumikirot ang puso ko.

"Bababa ako..." bulong ko at sinubukang baklasin ang seatbelt. Pero masyadong nanginginig ang mga daliri ko. No. Not just my fingers. Pakiramdam ko ay may lindol sa bawat himaymay ng katawan ko. All I know was that I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be near him.

"Helga..."

I kept on trying to unfasten the seatbelt. Ayoko nang marinig ang boses niya. Ayoko nang makita siya o maramdaman siya sa malapit. Ayoko nito. Bakit ganito?

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko.

Mainit ang palad niya. Parang tinutunaw ako.

"Stay," bulong niya sa 'kin. Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at ipinatong sa dibdib niya. 

Nakatitig siya sa 'kin nang magtaas ako ng mukha. Malungkot ang mga mata niya.

"Stay, Miss. Please."

I stayed before, didn't I? I waited before. Hindi naman siya naawa sa 'kin at bumalik. Why was he asking me now for a favor he didn't give me?

Ilang minuto na nakatitig lang kami sa isa't isa. This couldn't happen. I tried so hard to forget him... kaya bakit ganito pa rin ang epekto niya sa 'kin? He could steal my reasons in a glance. It's not even worth it. 

Pumikit ako nang mariin at umiling. Hindi ako dapat pangunahan ng damdamin ko. Hindi ako dapat magpatalo.

Nanginginig kong hinila ang kamay ko sa kanya at mabilis na tinanggal ang seatbelt. 

"I don't want to stay," sabi ko sa kanya. Binubuksan ko na ang pinto at lalabas na 'ko nang —

"Wait! No, Helga!"

Hinawakan ni Ash ang pulsuhan ko, hinila ako padikit sa katawan niya at mariing lumapat ang mainit na labi niya sa labi ko.

And I mean to struggle and resist... but I couldn't. Para akong pinutulan ng life support. It felt like I was drowning, suffocating, dying... When his lips moved against mine, I almost collapsed in his arms. That I have to breathe and drink from his mouth to stay alive.

I kissed him with the same passion he was kissing me. He couldn't stop. I couldn't stop, too. And the years apart didn't matter.

Oh, God, why is it like this? Why am I still in love with him like this? # 0633g / 05262016

Goodbye Girl : Days To Forget (Day Book)Tahanan ng mga kuwento. Tumuklas ngayon