"You'd think that after all this time I would be an expert at death huh? That somehow I would have mastered the technique and gotten it down to a day's worth of maneuvers. Cry, shock, grieve, acceptance, and move on because what the hell else is there to do when every couple of years a new dead body is being added to the list of people I know. You'd think I would be okay by now... but I'm not. I'm not okay and I don't think I will ever be and its not just because of Allison's and Aidens death, it's you guys too. It's Boyd and Erica, it's all of you. All those I've lost and won't ever get back, those I wished I could of protected and those I should have protected better. You're all gone and I can't do anything about it, everyone's gone, even the ones who still live. We are all scattered, trying to cope with this pain, trying to break free of its constraint on our world. It hurts, it hurts a lot and I can't ever break free of it if I don't let go of the past. I need time, my soul can't take the pain anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't keep going like this. I'm afraid I'll drive myself to insanity if I don't. I can't keep surviving, I don't think it's right to just survive, I want to live and see life for everything it is, not just as mid second images I'll never get to appreciate. So I think it's better if I stop pretending that I'm invincible... I think it's better to know I can die just as easily as any of my friends and I prepare myself. So I'm going to be gone... I don't know how long but it's better if I go off and stand with the only real blood I have left. I'm sorry... ill be back someday."
If it were possible more tears came out, my hands quickly pushing them away as the headstones of my family members grew out of focus, my eyes overfilled with tears before I shut them and tried containing my hysteria.
I wasn't lying, I'm going to be gone. I'm leaving.
I don't know how long, I don't know if it'll be months or years but I'm leaving with Charlie and not turning back until I'm needed once more. I think it's better this way... we all need to grieve someway and if I keep surrounding myself with the death permanently etched into the walls of this town then I'll never be able to cope.
I'm gonna be gone for awhile, I need someone to care for me, to be there for me and make up for all those times I had to wake up and soothe my own screams of pain. Luckily, I finally have someone who is willing to care for me. And he's found someone who might be able to help me on an even deeper level.
On cue I feel Leon's palm wrap itself around the top of my shoulder, squatting down to my size. "Mel, it's time. We gotta go."
My eyes marvel over the headstones of all my family members, keeping the last image I have of all my family trapped inside my head. I remind myself that I'm doing this for me, and that means more then it should because everything I've ever done for a very long time now has been for the benefit of others.
"Yeah, you're right. It is time to go." The words escape my lips and I think he knows that they mean much more then they should, I think everyone will one day.
I stand, feeling Leon place an arm over my shoulders, lightning cracking from up above us as the darkening clouds signal that it's going to be a powerful downpour.
Good. This towns needs to be cleansed of all the blood that has been spilled.
Dear Lydia or Scott or whoever finds this....
I'm leaving. I don't know when I will be back or if you will all even notice and no I am not trying to be mean when I say that, on the contrary I feel your pain because I believe I won't feel your absence either, again that isn't meant to be mean. I just think that we have spent so much time with one another, shared so many moments and most not all good that we need time to ourselves. We need time to remember who we are before we can come together. After everything that has happened I think it is best that we all just stay inside our heads for now. Ethan and Isaac had the right idea so I will be taking a page out of their book. I am leaving and I dont know when I will be back or even if i want to be back, all I know is I want to be happy. I want to be able to think clearly and not just think for survival.
I want to think about my life.
I think death does that to us and with all the death we have become immune to mourning over it, immune to its effects and the possibility of a change. We have stuck through all of this far too long that it might just turn us into the monsters we sought to fight. I think a little separation can change that in all of us.
I am leaving and I don't want any of you to call me or find me, not any of you. I love all of you guys, I just think it were better for us all to be able to breathe without depending on one another.
So I guess this means bye to you as well Scott, I'm sorry but I have to go for all of our sake's and I know this isn't ideal and an appropriate way to do this... whatever you want to think of it but I think it's best for the both of us. You lost your first love and I don't know if I'm capable of helping you through that.
Call if it's only necessary.
BOOK 5 IS CALLED DESTRUCTION AND UP ON MY PAGE RIGHT NOW
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Hazardous || Teen Wolf Fanfiction
"We're all in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same devil; just different hells." -Anon. (Season 3b) (book 4) (Imelda Drake series) COMPLETED T E E N W O L F (OC X SCOTT MCCALL)