Elusion // l.h

Chapter 40- Salty Kisses

Luke was immensely jealous since he was attending U of S as soon as the academic semester started. I promised that he was going to be fine. He was in reality so much smarter than I was. Things came so easily to him. I noticed that when I tutored him in Art/Lit History. He didn't even need tutoring. He just didn't know any of it because he never bothered to listen in class or just skipped it. He and I both knew if he crammed before an exam, he could have all the material memorized in a few hours. I guess that was just one of those things that Liz didn't know. Hence her worry that he wouldn't pass that subject, resulting to her asking me to help.

Looking back, she probably knew Luke and I didn't get along and wanted to find an excuse to get us in the same room. Clearly it worked.

"You know," My mother said before my foot could touch the first step on the staircase. I turned my attention to her.

"Liz said that she knows the Head of Admissions at Woodsbury College. And they could help you apply this late in the game." Her tone suggestive and my eyes already in the back of my head.

"Mom. I already made up my mind, I'm not doing college this year. It's too much for me." I said being firm. I had to watch my tone with her. Something I havent been the greatest at.

"But a few classes wouldn't hurt. Peyton you can't just waste your time sitting in Luke's room or galavanting outside." Condescendence shining through and I was forced to ignore it. I had to chuckle lightly, it was true, but I had promised to find a job in the mean time.

"I told you already, I'm going to find a job and Luke is at U of S so he is going to be busy himself. I just don't want to commit to something I'm not passionate about."

"Well what are you passionate about?" Now her voice held annoyance.

What was that supposed to mean?

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that you're not showing any interest in anything. You get good grades, but other than that you don't do anything else soul enriching."

Soul enriching?

Did Liz lend her one of her Dr. Phil self help books?

"Mom please. I made up my mind. I'll find a job after we get back from New York and in that time I'll find something. Promise." I said just to shut her up. It would keep her calm and off my case.

She sighed surrendering.

"Okay." She said focusing on the dishes once again.

"How was the session at Melissa's today?" Here we go again.

"Good." I said. It was the first session since I told her about that night. She was normal about it and we are working on it. Realizing what happened to you is the hardest part, but it's the first step.

I noticed myself getting more and more angry since saying it out loud. Before I was sad, afraid probably even depressed.

The day I told Melissa, I wanted to curl up and cry. I couldn't do that because I was with Luke. Once Luke got pissed at me for not telling him what happened, I left and was happy to know my mother wasn't home and I stood under the shower and cried for exactly an hour. I broke a perfume bottle in rage, but after that, I fell asleep and felt better. Luke also texted me the next day to hang out, so he got over it pretty fast.

Those feelings of sadness and fear still exist but they're fading as anger shines through. I was getting oddly violent. Like I wanted to cause them all physical pain. I wanted to burn down that building with them in it-

Stop. Breathe.

I breathed in and out. Not today.

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