i want to breathe, i hate this night
i want to wake up, i hate this dream
i'm trapped inside of myself and i'm dead
don't wanna be lonely
just wanna be yours
he got up for the tenth time that night, goosebumps perking at the coldness that hit his flesh, but not reacting to it. sleep was not possible no matter how hard he tried. he got fed up with his sleeplessness and pulled out a coat and a snapback from his closet, leaving the house and slamming the door behind him.
he walked to the nearest park and took a deep breath of cold, crisp air, unknowingly letting a tear slip out of his eye as he watched his exhales turn white.
why is it so dark where you're not here
it's dangerous how wrecked i am
save me because i can't get a grip on myself
he wouldn't be able to see anything if it weren't for the single dim, flickering street light in the middle of the park.
ever since she left him, he couldn't control himself. his motions turned dreary and emotionless— walking through life without actually moving his legs.
because he knew she left because of him.
he made a huge mistake. he knows he'll never be able to make up for it, and now he's paying the price— living a life without her.
another tear slipped out as he lowered his snapback even more.
he's living a life of regret. remorse. guilt. and he doesn't know if it will ever change.
listen to my heartbeat
it calls you whenever it wants to
because within this pitch black darkness
you are shining so brightly
he still sees her in his dreams, picturing himself laying on her legs in the middle of the park: she's stroking his hair, complaining that his hair was softer than hers, in which he retorts with 'your hair smells better than mine', and she laughs that adorable laugh that he loved to hear.
a state of euphoria and love— a state that he could only experience in his slumber.
moments like that made him wish he would never have to wake up; to lay in her embrace for the rest of his life.
give me your hand save me save me
i need your love before i fall, fall
give me your hand save me save me
he stopped walking after a couple hours, however it felt like decades. the sun was beginning to rise, and by the time he lifted his head, his feet had unconsciously brought him to the place where it all happened.
it was a beautiful place showered in bad memories. the lake was mesmerizing as the sun slowly rose above; a few ducks and ducklings waking up and playing in the water.
he sat on the ground near the water, inhaling and exhaling an exasperated breath, watching his breath disappear with into the air.
he closed his eyes and allowed himself to get lost in his memories again. he wanted to get lost. he loved the image of her beautiful hair flowing behind her on a windy day, her laugh gracing his ears; a blessing that he didn't deserve. he felt almost unworthy to be able to hear it. she somehow always managed to entrance him with those beautiful eyes of hers. her skin was so soft and her hands were so delicate as if she would break if he didn't protect her.
but he was the one that broke her.
tears flowed out of his eyes, even as they were closed. he held his face in his hands as he quietly sobbed, only the nearby ducks giving him attention.
he felt so tired. his body wanted to let him sleep. he slowly let himself succumb to his drowsiness by the lake.
maybe he would see her again in his dreams.
he did see her again. she was crouching in front of him, pushing his hair out of his eyes and wiping his tears.
he slowly opened his eyes as he focused on her figure.
it's just a dream, he thought. she'll never come back to you.
he listened as she whispered his name quietly, asking him if he was okay.
she held his face in her hands, shocked at how cold his skin was.
it feels so real, he thought. i never want to wake up.
he whispered her name with his raspy voice. he was shocked at how her tears flowed down her face.
that's when something in his brain clicked— realized that it wasn't a dream.
she was in front of him, crying.
he got up from the ground in disbelief. he wrapped his arms around her and held her in his embrace. he listened as she sobbed countless amounts of apologies into his chest.
he rested his chin on top of her head, his tears flowing down nonstop-- his heart was breaking. he should be apologizing, not her. she did nothing wrong. it was all his fault.
he whispered countless amounts of apologies and 'i love you's into her ears, healing yet breaking her heart all at once.
after they had calmed down, they laid in each other's arms and watched the ducklings swim.
he broke the silence. "...will you forgive me?"
he wasn't expecting her to. he had done so much wrong to her.
but when she smiled, nodded and kissed him, he knew he was the luckiest man on earth.
and he made a promise to himself to never hurt her again, because she's the best thing that's ever happened to him.
she pulled away from his lips. she stood up and dusted herself off.
she offered him her hand. "let's go home."
give me your hand and save me, save me
i need your love before i fall, fall.