the life of insanity is never easy...everyday you wake up with voices haunting you...telling you, even reminding you of your miseries, your pains and what a sore loser you have been for almost all of the years of your life...
every day you wake up with these voices pulling you to the lowest being you are , choking you until your last breath of hope dies together with your will to live...
my wavering heart unstable as they taunt me...my fears hold me imprisoned...and what little faith i have now slowly flickers as the winds gush through me...
they ripped me open...leaving nothing behind but regrets that are irreversible...
i can no longer go back to being normal...
i will forever be broken...
untrusting...
everyday i wake up having to fight the urge to end every thing...
every day i have to convince myself that the voices from my neighbors are not talking about me...not saying hurtful things about me...every day i have to convince myself that no one is out there to get me...that i am safe...everyday i have to live a life in my shell...every day i have to live the life of a coward...
life is hard...my emotions get trifled easily...one moment i am happy, the next thing i wanted to cry...one minute i am friends with you then the next thing your an enemy...the saddest thing about this is when i have to force myself to be cheerful when i am not...forcing a happy smile when i feel so down and empty...trying my best not to weep when i knew people can see it in my face...my insincerity...pathetic...yes i know i am a fake...constantly lying to myself...i know...what a phony...
every day i wake up pitying myself...everyday i looked at the mirror looking at that sad pitiful person who looks older than her age...the once youthful glow now only turn to memories by the wrinkles and dark circles that surround those lifeless eyes...the grease from days of not bathing remind me how i was foolish to let every opportunity pass when i should have been doing my best to succeed...now all i do is regret how i cant go back...living from past glories and mopping over present defeats...
every day i blame the world...i blame the people around me for my life...i grew hostile every chance i get to get even...i hate every thing...but i hate myself even more for letting them have their way with me because i don't have the courage to stand up against them...i wish i was brave to face a fall...maybe just maybe i could have not been so hard on myself....
everyday i feel so low...lowly than the prostitutes selling their flesh for money...and relying on people to take care of me made me feel even worst about myself...for it only goes to show how pathetically useless i am and how helpless that i cant change my life...
life is hard...living at everybodies expectations...when clearly i am not who they think i am...its even harder when frustrations engulf me...stressful sleepless nights wasted in thoughts of constant self pity...an endless cycle of anxiety and fear turned to suspicion and self protective mechanisms: my ever unwavering mood swings getting the best of me...
what a pain to be living with this complaints...what ya think?
i know...
what a pain!
