The Mysterious Theft

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Saturday, 10 August 2013

Dear JC,

Alcohol numbed you from the pain and from the difficulties. It made you happy. It gave you something. But you never saw that there was a better way.

I miss you so much even if I know that your spirit will always be with me. The spirit of alcohol cannot steal you from us anymore. I'm sure.

God keeps you safe from all hidden dangers. God's promise is comforting. A lot of peril can happen to a person under the influence of alcohol and you are safe now. Nothing can steal your spirit anymore.

I look at the agony of those moms whose sons are in prison today because of drinking. Some had been sentenced to life, some are lost spiritually, and some still at large. I don't know if I will choose their situation over mine no matter how painful it is.

Although they still have the hope of recovery, no one knows if that would be their choice.

Since this is what I've got now, I can find a reason to still thank Him because I know that in the larger picture of life His promises are true no matter how uncomfortable I feel at the moment.

Last night, a man shot dead and left beside our subdivision. I immediately thought of how his mom would feel. Now, God keeps you safe from all hidden dangers. He took you to a place He prepared. I thank Him. Being stabbed, being beaten and hit on the streets and all kinds of harm can happen to a drunk person.

They say after someone you truly love has passed away, you have to start moving on, no matter how broken you are. Even small broken steps are fine. How true.

I watched your video last Christmas. You sing so well with your cousins, Maui, and Maureen. You did your presentation with Nikki and Maureen. It is sad to think those were the last moments with you. So alive. I hear your voice. Thanks to technology. But listening more is like feeling the pain over and over again.

In my heart and mind, you are alive. Even if this means I'm in denial, I don't care. Unhealthy as it is, that's just the way it is for me. This is everything that matters now, you being alive in me. That feeling is helping me continue the business of living. It liberates me from numbness and paralyzing agony. I love you very much JC.


Alcohol never ceases to fascinate me. I keep wondering why some enjoy it while my distaste of the substance was set after my first drink. The rashes that appeared on my body and the nasty feeling it left on my tongue made me curse that initial encounter with alcohol.

Alcohol is a stimulant and can lower inhibitions in a small amount. This is the reason why men often use it as a crutch to express their feelings.

I still remember a drunken suitor I had who made a scene in one of his visits to me during college. He was so drunk that he embarrassed himself in front of our dormitory. His friends had to pick him up to save him from disgrace.

"Don't try to prove your manhood by how much you can drink. Wine has been the ruin of many. An arrogant person's character shows through when he is in a drunken argument, in the same way that iron is tested when it is heated red-hot and then dipped in water." (Sirach 31:25)

I remember JC arriving home one time with a big trophy with him.

"Saan galing 'yan?" (Where did that come from?) I asked.

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