Part 19 - No One Has To Know

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Her Scent.

Her hair.

Her laugh.

Her smile.

Her eyes.

Her body.

Why was this girl in my head? Why couldn't I stop thinking about a sixteen year old girl? Was I some sort of pedofile? What the hell was wrong with me?

I sighed, leaning back in my chair. I looked away from my computer screen, and pushed it down slightly. That girl...she'd tasted so...

I shut my eyes forcefully. Oh, my god I'm going to jail for making out with a minor and wanting to do more than that. For wanting a minor. In every way. I wanted her body, but I wanted her personality too.I wanted to make out with her, and touch her, but I also wanted to see her smile and hear her laugh. want to date her.

You want to date a minor.

At the thought my heart beat raced. I wanted to deny it, but that was the truth. I wanted to date Lila, a minor, a teenager. An entrappingly, funny, quirky, beautiful girl.

I opened my eyes as someone knocked on my door, and Michelle walked in. She stepped into the room, revealing her long legs, and her curves in that tight mini-skirt. She wore a tight white blouse, and black platforms. Her hair was pulled up into a tight bun, and her red lip stick was sharp.

That's right Kadri...don't you have someone already?

"You ready for dinner yet?" She asked me, placing a sassy hand on her hip, and licking her bottom lip. "Dessert is going to be amazing." She said, turning around, clearly trying to tempt me. Yet, it wasn't working. I felt clouded. I felt like there was only one person who could tempt me right now, and she was...probably at home right now. I looked away as she left the room.

I needed to see her and I had to tell Michelle.

Tell Michelle what?

No, I wanted to see Lila, but I could never actually see her, and I just knew that was going to kill me. I started to rise when my eyes caught on an unopened letter on my desk. Without hesitating I reached for it, hoping it would be something that would take my mind away from her.

I opened it, and felt my heart beat throb as I skimmed it.

It was about her.

An invitation to her seventeenth birthday party, and the party was taking place at a Hotel.

I swallowed nervously. Something about that felt dangerous.


I laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling in a trance. He'd kissed me, and I'd kissed him. It was amazing. He wants  me. I want him, all of him. I turned on my side, trying to ignore that growing heat inside me. I sighed and shut my eyes, feeling my fists clench.

I was so screwed.

Why did I kiss him?

What kind of royal fuck up was that?

Now, I was really never going to see him again. And my birthday was in two weeks.

Plus, doesn't he have a girlfriend?

I felt my heart get heavy again almost as soon as it had started to feel lighter.

I let myself drift off with dreams of me and Kadri. Dreams of us having sex on the couch, in the kitchen, in the shower ( that one's especially hot ), on the floor in his room, on the bed in his room, with me tied up and him punishing me, with me punishing him.

Your average fantasies...I think.


I looked up from my desk feeling pretty dead. I desperately needed to make out with someone. I had all this sexual tension inside of me and it sucked, because in reality only one person could really help me get rid of all of it.

There she was, Ms.Klawskin, teaching Pre-Calculus. I hated it. All I wanted was to make out with my doctor...again. Was that too much to ask?

Probably, Lila, you're pushing your luck. Plus, isn't this illegal? Kissing him was illegal. I wasn't even seventeen yet. I was still a stupid 16 year old.  A junior!

I sighed and shut my eyes. I needed to think about someone else. I needed to not be thinking about my doctor, an adult. I needed to be thinking about someone my own age.

"Hey, are you ok?" Someone asked me, and I buried my face further into my desk. I needed someone, like someone seriously lose myself in. Someone who could just...distract me. I jumped slightly as someone placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Jako frowning as he peered into my eyes next to me. I hadn't even realized he was sitting besides me. Strange. He used to sit in front of me. Close enough, but not facing me so we didn't actually have to interact.

I cleared my throat and picked up my pencil, pressing the lead against the paper. I looked away and nodded, bitting my inner lip.


So obvious.

He can't know about that.

He'll blackmail you even harder.

"I'm fine. Just tired, I didn't get a lot of sleep." Unfortunately, this happened to be very true. Not only was I suffering from emotional distress, I was suffering from lack of sleep. Or as I like to call it : "I'd prefer not to lie awake at night thinking about someone who could never love me but keeps giving me tiny shards of hope". 

"Hey, since we have a test on Friday do you want to study in the Library during lunch?" I paused. A situation where I'm stuck with the very person I don't want to tell, but also I'm studying with one of the top students.

Don't believe me?

Trust me, I get it.

The only reason I know is because the teacher compared my score to his score. He scored better by 6%. He said, "If you two are so close then maybe he'll help you, because you're too smart to be scoring A-'s."

Ouch right?

"Please, I could use the help." He said, pouting his lower lip.

"Liar." I mumbled looking away from him.


"I said fine."

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