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Three drunks get into the taxi. The taxi driver, knowing they were drunk, starts the car and then stops it. The first drunk staggers out, and pays the money. The second guy thanks the taxi driver. The third guy walks up to the driver and slaps him in the face. The driver, thinking that the third drunk had noticed him swindling them, asked,"What was that for?" The drunk replied,"Slow down and control your speed, you almost killed us with your driving!"

One day, a man bets the barman $100 that he can bite his right eyeball. The barman agrees to it, and the betting man takes out his glass eye and bites it. Again, the man bets the barman $150 that he can bite his LEFT eyeball. The barman willingly agrees, thinking that the man couldn't possibly have TWO glass eyes. The betting man takes out his fake teeth, and makes them bite his real left eye. The barman isn't very happy that he is now $250 in debt, and the betting man notices this.

He says,"Tell you what, mate, I'll make you a good deal. If I take all three beer bottles there, put them onto the carpet and pee, not spilling one drop onto the floor, then you give me nothing. If I spill even one drop, then I give you $300. Deal?" The barman happily agrees, and sets up the beer bottles. The betting man proceeds, and not even one drop lands into the bottles. The barman is now extremely happy. As he cheers, he sees a man at the table right next to them swearing and banging his head on the table.

He asks the betting man why he is doing this, and the man says,"Oh, I just bet him $1,000 that I could pee all over the bar's carpet and the barman would be happy about it."

One day, a man was in the bathroom when he heard someone from the other stall say,"Hello!"

The man answered, unsurely,"Hi?"

The other man said,"How are you doing?"

The man cautiously said,"I'm doing great."

The other man said,"What's going on over there?"

The man, now slightly angry, said,"This is none of your business!"

The other man continued,"Can I come over?"

The man was about to reply very angrily when he heard the other man say,"Look, sorry man, I've got to hang up. The idiot in the other stall keeps on answering my questions!"

One day, a woman's husband comes from the bar, slurring,"Honey, I just went to this amazing bar. The walls were gold, the ceiling was gold, even the toilet were gold!"

The woman, not believing him, asks the name of the bar.

The husband replies,"The Golden Bar," The woman looks up the name, and calls their number.

She asks them,"Does your bar have golden floors, golden ceilings and golden toilets?"

There was a slight pause, when she hears the man call,"Hey Ed, I think I got a new lead on the drunk who peed into the saxophone an hour ago!"

One day, a priest was sitting at a diner when a drunk staggers in, sits down next to the priest and starts reading the newspaper. The priest looks at him with distaste, noticing how he smelled of beer.

Suddenly, the drunk asked,"Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest says angrily,"Well, arthritis is caused by drinking, dealing with drugs, sleeping around and slacking at his work."

The drunk, surprised, muttered,"Oh dear!"

After a while, the priest started to feel guilty. He asked the man,"How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk replies,"It's not me, but I just read here that the Pope has arthritis!"


A/N Hope you laughed! Recently, I've started to notice something. On the first page of my book, there are around sixty people who have read it. On the last page, only 12 people have read it. What's up with that? Is my story really that bad? O_o

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